Iran is not what you’d expect. Forget the media’s portrayal of an anti-Western Islamic backwater. In reality, Iranians are educated, extremely welcoming, and many are quite liberal and secular. If you do visit, you’ll find some of the most hospitable people in the world (maybe THE most hospitable from my experience).
From a touristic perspective there are also plenty of interesting sights and things to experience, but overall the lack of nightlife can leave you twiddling your thumbs some evenings.
Yes, alcohol and premarital relations are strictly illegal, but such rules are paid little head. I didn’t spend a night sober in the country, and getting your Iran flag in the country is very possible… if you know the playing field.
I rate the chances of hooking up at 2/5 (you’ll need quite a bit of luck), but to give you hope—2 out of 3 of my crew had such luck in the country…and in a very short space of time!
Note: In Iran the weekend falls on Thursday and Friday, meaning Wednesday and Thursday nights are when people mingle.
There are numerous cheap flights now operating to Iran. Turkish budget airline Pegasus Airlines is your best option, offering cheap flights from several European cities.
I was also able to find return flights from Europe for just €200 with Aegean Airlines. Turkish Airlines are also quite reasonable.
From the Middle East, check out AirArabia and Salam Air.
Furthermore, internal flights are pretty cheap, meaning you can skip the 8 hours bus rides if you are short on time.
Most nationalities can now get a visa on arrival at several major airports. However at present, I believe US and UK passport holders cannot, nor can they travel around the country without a tour guide.
Where should you go?
If you’re only visiting for a very short period and want to see “essential Iran”, my top three suggestions in order of preference would be Isfahan, Shiraz, and Tehran.
- Isfahan is the main cultural city in the country and is the number one spot to visit for good reasons.
- Shiraz also has a few beautiful sights, but crucially it’s right beside the Persepolis, arguably the most important sight inPersian history.
- Most travellers will balk at a mention of Tehran and tell you to skip it all together, but if you want to to score some Persian rug, the capital is unbeatable, as this is where you’ll find the best quality and quantity of local women.
- If you have more time add on Yadz, which a lot of people say is better than Shiraz.
- Another interesting option is to go skiing in Dizin, which is just a short drive from the capital Tehran. Apparently this is the main spot in the country for house parties.
Appearance: I’m going to go against the grain here. I found Iranian girls a tad overrated when in comes to looks. I’d give them a 3/5. The internet disagrees.
— Mark Zolo (@NaughtyNomad) February 26, 2018
Obviously this poll was massively skewed due to Persian chicks in North America. I blame this on the SWAN effect; most of the well-breed genetic stock probably migrated after the Islamic Revolution.
In the motherland of Iran, however, I feel these pollsters would be disappointed. Granted, you can’t see what their bodies and hair look like with all the Islamic wear, but during my visit I saw less than a handful of faces I would consider truly beautiful… and that saying a lot considering that’s coming from somebody with a Princess Jasmine fetish!
The average Persian girl is quite plain-faced, light skinned, dark- haired, and has a height of 160.0 cm (5′ 3″). Most are petite and not so overweight. All girls in Iran are required to wear hijabs to cover their hair.
You see some serious sexiness in Tehran (on Tinder, not on the street), but it’s usually an illusion. The hottest Persian girls usually have dyed hair, lots of makeup, and plastic surgery. In fact, Iran has the highest rate of nose surgery in the world per capita! (You’ll be surprised with the amount of face bandages on your visit).
Attitudes: Overall, I really like Iranians. They are educated, friendly, and feminine.
While the Iranian government is extremely conservative, remember that only a generation ago people were going to nightclubs, drinking, screwing, and doing drugs. Yes, there are plenty of religious folk, but there is also a HUGE middle class that are relatively liberal.
If you go to a house party, you will find drinking, weed, and sometimes even grade A drugs like MDMA and cocaine.
To give a rough estimate (based on experience and talking to locals), of the girls who attend these parties around half will be virgins.
On the other hand, many of the girls who actually screw around are self-declared feminists and view casual sex as a form a rebellion.
Sex with foreigners is the safest and easiest way to rebel—and as I said before, Iranian girls LOVE foreigners. On several occasions, we were even approached by girls on the street who wanted to practice their English”.
Gaming Strategy: If you want to get laid in Iran, first and foremost the most important thing is logistics. As hooking up is illegal and nearly all girls live at home, you need to pick your accommodation carefully. Most have receptions that will cockblock you. Furthermore, AirBnB is banned. Luckily for you, I’ve listed guest-friendly accomodation in the city guides below.
For sealing the deal, your best strategy is house party game. If you can do some groundwork online and get an invite to one, great. However, it’s even better to host your own gathering. Most Iranians are very interested to attend a party with foreigners. Your job is get a ton of snacks and booze.
For the booze part, most local party-goers know a dealer who will deliver directly to your place by car. Beer is insanely expensive, so whiskey is your best bet. Expect to pay between €30-€50 a litre for an unrecognisable brand. Most dealers also supply weed and other narcotics. Weed is very cheap and good quality. You can get around 5 grams for just €10.
As for actually meeting women, online game or getting in to a social circle is the way to go. As I’ve mentioned several times Iranians are extremely hospitably, so joining a social circle is easier than you’d expect.
As for online game, a lot of sites are blocked but almost every Iranian has a VPN on their phone to access the likes of Facebook. Tinder is only really used in Tehran. In the other cities, you’ll swipe out pretty fast. Instagram, however, is widely used and actually legal. For more information on Instagram game I recommend Vinny’s blog IGCasanova.
Unless you’re looking for a Persian wife, skip day game. You’ll encounter too many girls who are either conservative, lower-class, or can’t speak English.
At night your best bet is striking up a conversation at student cafés. Late night coffee is as wild as it gets. Go for the girls who smoke or dye their hair.
The Iranian government has just banned English from schools after the recent protests, but for now English is surprisingly common among young people. This might be the golden era.
Either way, Iranians LOVE IT when speak a few words. I took a 30-day course in Farsi and although I found it quite difficult it came in very handy, especially for dealing with taxi drivers and making purchases.
Isfahan is the cultural capital of Iran. The locals call it “Nesf-e-Jahan”, meaning “Half The World”. It is the number one destination in the country for tourists. From my experience it’s easy to see why. It’s hand-painting buildings and public square are both beautiful and impressive. Check out this video of the square I made below.
Here’s also some pictures of the city from my first day (note the Iraqi whiskey 🙂 )…
I used this place: https://www.9flats.com/places/347683-apartment-esfahan.
It’s a big 2 bedroom place, very reasonable, and in a decent location that’s walkable to the main square and other sights. The only issue is that it’s a family owned building (they live downstairs). They let us host a small gathering, but reluctantly, and they also charged us extra in the morning for our guests. Also, it’s important you say that your guests are NOT Iranian. Overall this place it probably best you are going to get and will do the job.
If anybody knows/finds a better place, please leave a comment.
Although considered a ‘conservative’ city, you can still find house parties as there are lots of students here.
As for meeting locals, aside from using sites like CS, just walk around the main square looking like a tourist and YOU will get approached… by both men, women, and mixed sets. Some people will be politely trying to sell you something, while others are just being friendly. There are a lot of students in Isfahan that want to practice their English.
While I wasn’t a big fan of the city itself, Shiraz has some really beautiful things to see. I highly recommend the complex of the Blue Mosque – it was probably the most beautiful place I visited in the country. Also be sure to visit the Persepolis and learn some Persian history beforehand. It was the first great empire. (I used this app for an overview).
In terms of accomodation, I recommend this place: https://www.9flats.com/places/466321-apartment-shiraz.
It’s a nice little 1 bed apartment smack bang in the center, and cheap too. There is also another small studio upstairs if you are a group. The best thing is that the building is private with nobody here living in it. The young couple who own it are cool as hell too.
In terms of “nightlife”, the only place decent we found was the Haft Khan restaurant complex, a four story building with different restaurants and live music.
Below was also another hopping spot….
Tehran gets little love from travellers. It’s top sights pale in comparison to what the rest of the country has to offer. Another issue is its size and traffic—it can take you forever to get from side of the city to the other. It’s only saving grace it that there is a decent metro system.
I honestly didn’t find Tehran that bad.
It’s probably the best place in the country to pick up. Here is also where you’ll find the best quality and quantity when it comes to women. It’s also the only place were the likes of Tinder is actually useful.
Northern Tehran is where all the rich kids hang out and where all the parties are. The only problem is finding guest-friendly accomodation in the north is very difficult.
We stayed at this place: http://samresidence.com. They offer really nice 2-3 bedroom apartments. There’s no reception. It’s pretty central and thus a bit far from northern Tehran, but it’s best we could find, and it’s also beside a northern metro line.
Happy hunting, lads!
Why not check out more cheeky Guides?
For more info on Iran, or if you have any questions, check out the links below or leave a comment.
How to Bang a Persian Girl L.D Hume, Return of Kings
My Iran flag (from 2011) by Mark Zolo, Naughty Nomad
There’s also an Iran Discussion Thread on the Forum.