City Guide: Baku, Azerbaijan

ip000c_1_baku_245

Baku in a word: Fusion.

Chance of Hooking up: 1.5 / 5
Quality of Girls: 4 / 5
Nightlife: 3 / 5
Smoking tolerance: 2 / 5

City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Bachelor’s budget: $70 per day

Beer: $4 a pint
Bed: $35 for a daily apartment
Bud: 80 AZ ($100) per matchbox
Food: $3.50 for a kebab

Currency Conversion

Overview 

Baku is one of the world’s great cities. The walled old town oozes medieval Eurasian charm, while the ocean walkway, fountain filled squares and pedestrianised tree-lined streets wouldn’t look out of  place in rich Monte Carlo or Dubai. The center is so clean you could eat off the ground, the girls dress like life’s a catwalk, and the nightlife is the best in Caucasus. (That’s not saying much though, I personally prefer Yerevan’s vibe, but Baku rates no.8 in the world according to Lying Planet…joke). It may be pricey than Armenia and Georgia, but get what you pay for. Great city.

The Girls

Aysel Teymurzadeh

Appearance: Azeri girls are something else. They are the darkest and most ‘Middle Eastern’ looking in the Caucasus. They are also ‘cuter’ than their neighbours. The typical Azeri girl has jet black hair, often curly, with sallow skin. Their average height is 165cm (5 ft 5 in) and average weight is 65 kg (144lbs), giving a BMI of 24: lower than most Western European women, but not as slim as Italian or French women.

The best thing about Azeri girls is the way they take care of themselves. Azeri girls dress the most feminine of any country I’ve been to in Europe.  Even at lunch time on a Tuesday, the main squares are flooded with girls done up, with their hair and make up perfect, strutting around in high heels with the finest couture. Taking a daily stroll, it’s not hard to stumble upon a couple of 7′s and 8′s. The quality of girls is actually better during the day than the night. The average standard may be above average, but finding a true stunner (a 9) is hard. This fact was hammered home by the fact that the hottest girl I met in Baku was actually from Uzbekistan (granted she was a belly dancer). Overall, they rate slightly better than Georgians (mainly because of how they keep themselves).

Demographics: Over 90% of the city’s population of 2 million are ethnically Azerbaijani but there is a sizable expat community. Most of the female expats are Russian.

Attitudes: As a whole, Azeri girls are the most conservative in the region. The average age to get married is 23 (with some married off  as young as 14 in rural areas). Approximately 75% of Azerbaijani girls are virgins before marriage. This is a Muslim country, and although the vast majority of Baku girls couldn’t give a shit about religion, conservative attitudes towards sex remain. Locals automatically label locals girls who go to bars as ‘hookers’. As you can imagine, a lot of investment is required. To quote a friend of mine who lives there, there are basically three types of girls in Baku:

1) The pretty conservative ones (the majority). They goes home early, don’t drink, don’t go to clubs and bars, and are controlled by daddy. Unless you want to end up married to them don’t bother.

2) Working Ladies. A small number of poor Azeris who work as prostitutes with the Russians in Baku’s infamous subterranean ’Disco Clubs’ (brothels).

3) In Betweeners. Girls who occasionally drink, but say they don’t. Who go out, but not too late or too often. If you manage to talk to one of those it all comes down to her, (which nationality is she into) and how much you are willing to pamper her.

You’re only bet is with the last group, and they are not in abundance. The upside is Azerbaijani girls make wonderful girlfriends. They are super feminine, sweet, romantic, smart, loyal and very approachable.

Gaming Strategy: If you’re really determined to meet an Azerbaijiani girl, day game is the best option. Fountain square is the best place to pick up. Approach the younger girls (early twenties) as nearly all girls 27+ are married. If you arrange a date, make sure it’s early. Most girls have to be home by 9 or 10pm. Don’t push hard on day 1. Suggest a coffee, but bring her to a pub. This way you can test if she drinks. If she does, only one or two drinks will probably get her drunk. The way to an Azeri girls heart is old school Cassanova game. Be romantic and get her to imagine doing things together in the future.

To be frank, if getting laid is your priority, I wouldn’t recommend you focus your attention on Azeri girls. There are a good few Russian girls and other expats out at night time. Some of them are keen (I had one who even approached me on a date and asked for my number). The only problem is some of most venues are serious cock-fests (worse than anywhere in the region).

Baku has a horrible case of ‘big village’ syndrome (like every Caucasus capital). Everybody who drinks and goes out knows everybody else who drinks and goes out, so thread carefully as you’re likely to see the same faces again and again if you’re here for any extended period of time.

The Dirt

Accommodation: Ideally, stay somewhere between old city, fountain square and Sahil metro stop. You want to be as near Abdulkarim Ali-Zadeh street as you can.  I made a great contact who can offer a selection of great apartments with Wifi and multiple bedroom in the area from $35. Check out renthome.az. We stayed in a fantastic apartment for $40 a night here — a few minutes walk from the nightlife.

Getting High: 80AZ ($100) for a for a matchbox. Talk to Turkish guys at night to steer you in the right direction.

The Nightlife

The nightlife scene in Baku is split into three distinct groups. The first is the numerous ‘disco clubs’ or brothels. These are expensive and full of Soviet hookers. A bit of craic as a spectacle, but not really a good place to pick up a good girl. The second type of joint is a ‘Azerbaijan-style’ disco. Most of these are large, in the suburbs and are very expensive and pretentious with Russian-style ‘face control’. They’re usually filled with couples and the upper classes. Not recommended. The third type is normal pubs and bars which have live music, expats and liberal locals. This is the type of venue you want. The good news is that most of the action is concentrated is a small area.

Finnegans Irish Pub

An Irish pub only in name. This place is only really worth it’s salt on the weekend. Live music and a laid back crowd. Not a bad place to warm up as it’s just around the corner from my other picks. Pics here.

Otto

Otto by day

This is probably the best bar in the city. It’s a relatively large cellar-like bar with live music and pool tables. There is also a good mix of expats and locals, with a few hot Russian chicks working there. The vibe is cool (when not too packed with horny Turkish guys on Saturdays). Make sure you check this place out. Location here. Facebook and pics here.

Phoenix Pub

It’s small, but fun…probably my favourite bar in Baku. By the end of the night you’re eyes should be sore from smoke and you’re feet sore from dancing. I found that the most liberal girls in Baku frequent here and rate it the best place to pick up. They also have live music on the weekends. Location here.

Another place recommended to me by locals was a mega-club called Pacifico. It’s a bit out of town with strict face control, but the quality of women is supposed to be the best in the city.

My Baku Experience

I really enjoyed Baku. I was there for 5 nights, dated two girls and stuck gold in the process. Not only did I catch the most difficult of flags this year (Lebanon was the next toughest), I also met one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met. She was beautiful, educated and we had the same interests and beliefs. She always acted and dressed like a lady. We met near fountain square and I took her to an pub to introduce to Irish culture via Baileys. On our next date, she cooked a local dish for me, took me for a picnic, brought some wine and we fooled around in my bed. Things would get very heated between us, but she was a virgin (or so she claimed) and nothing happened. She also had to be home by 10pm every night. On the last day, she came over to my apartment to collect some jewelry she left behind. One thing led to another and we ended up making love. Great experience. We plan to meet again. In my opinion, Azeri girls are definitely babymama material.

Experience of Others

I asked others to share their experience of the city.

Brian, 25, my travel buddy for the whole trip, simply had this to say.

Class. Baku was easily my favourite city in the Caucasus—if not of all time.  The girls are much nicer than in Georgia. Their style and the way they keep themselves is not like anywhere I’ve ever seen.

Adel, 30, from Lebanon, who has lived some time in the city, lays down the law.

Well to be able to describe Azeri girls you need to understand the people, whereby a great sum of them have neither seen nor heard about logic, common sense or reason in their life time. Combine that with the general behavior of a female you get “Azeri Girls”…which makes their behavior rather impossible to explain/understand so don’t try…. just go with the flow.

As for hooking girls up, it ain’t about being tough, its all about your pick [the 'in betweeners' as mentioned earlier] and luck. All in all, it’s neither impossible nor hard to talk to an Azeri girl, given that the general population is super nice, which is very pleasant  - and a draw back at the same time. As my German friend advised me, ‘they don’t know how to say no, so they say yes to every thing and than never show up.’

When it comes to expat girls, it’s the normal drill, nothing new. They are what they are. Normally they prefer to hang out with foreigners as well for all the above reasons. For a single guy travelling there who wants to get laid, assuming he is an average looking with average money and average amount of intelligence, my advice is to learn the language (Russian, Azeri or Turkish), then you’re in the game.

Other Resources

Why not check out more cheeky City Guides?

For more info or if you have any questions on Baku check out the Baku Discussion Thread

Picking up girls in Azerbaijan  by Mark Biernat.

 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

6 Responses to City Guide: Baku, Azerbaijan

  1. coco December 20, 2012 at 7:40 am #

    how is lebanon your 2nd hardest flag, you ranked beirut 3/5
    while georgia was ranked 2/5….little confused with the scoring comparison?
    lucky you met 1 of the few atheists girls there otherwise theyd rank lower on the hook up in baku
    you seem to really like the dark sultry girls dont ya

  2. Baku sucks! December 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm #

    Probably someone bribed Lonely Planet editor to have Baku in the top 10 best night life cities :), cause I can’t think of any other explanation.
    I have lived in Baku long enough, believe me, night life in Baku is terrible. I would put it to the list of world’s worst 10 nightlife cities.
    And what you will find in the pubs mentioned in the article is only gray haired British guys having their second youth with prostitutes 25 years younger than them.
    Plus; Baku is one of the world’s most expensive cities. And probably the worst according to the quality of what you get with the amount of money you paid.

  3. Baku is the best city for sex June 10, 2013 at 1:20 pm #

    I’m from Estonia, and I wanna say 2 things: 1) Azeri girls are the most beautiful girls in all over Southern Europe. 2) Baku nightlife is one of the best that I’ve seen! I picked up 5 beautiful girls in 4 days!

  4. Diana October 13, 2013 at 11:13 pm #

    I’m foreign and I live in Baku and this is the most accurate shit I’ve ever read and it really made me laugh.

  5. asma November 16, 2013 at 11:15 am #

    hi good

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Year in Review | Naughty Nomad - December 29, 2012

    [...] NEW Forum! « City Guide: Baku, Azerbaijan [...]

Leave a Reply

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,