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The Siege of Malta

The Mission: Capture my Maltese flag, in style.

Yes, Leprechaun pirate

I hit the ground cold and I had a week.

Dressed as a Leprechaun Pirate, I stormed the island with my new crew: Genocide Glen, Pillaging Paul & Cut-throat K. Many women fell prey to our charms but I wasn’t interested in just a flag. Any man can put one to his mast if mounted by a chubby chica or a prawn; I wasn’t here to trawl. These opposing paradigms are well summed up in an article by Atlas Al: Flag hunter vs Flag collector.

On Form, the pick up:

I wanted quality. Sometime that comes easy when you’re on form.

I found it – a sexy Maltese cutie weighting only 48 kgs, and that included her breast implants. I got her number in a nightclub and we agreed to meet again. She left. Things continued to go well. That very night I made out with a married Maltese girl, her best friend (on the sly), an Italian and then got taken home by a beautiful Indian Aussie.

Day 1, a fearsome test:

Do fuck off!

The next meet up with my Maltese cutie was behind enemy lines. She was attending a private party in some upper class club, a pretentious affair concocted for a single launch, some electro progressive bullshit. My friends bolted and left me to my own devices.

Her circle was a mix of models, rich kids and socialites with delusions of eloquence.The scene was decorated by designer couture and Louis Vuitton handbags. Then there was me… the idiotic Irish guy with the ridiculous hat wielding a toy sword!

The minute my date left for the bathroom, I was immediately shunned from the group. Two guys came over, turned their backs and formed a wall of penis, rendering me an outcast. I tried to open her guy friends, I was amoged. I tried to open her girlfriends, I was cockblocked. I looked like the biggest sap in the room. My girl was about to return and my perceived social value was so low I was doomed to a night of frustrated wanking. Welcome to loserville.

I thought to myself, “What would a real man do in this scenario?”.

I could go to the bar… not good enough.

I could go the toilet… like a fucking pussy.

A Predicament…

No, I stepped up to plate and went straight up to five other women, opening an entire new set. My costume provided me with a hook point and one of the girls began flirting with me. Just at that moment, my dainty date emerged from the bathroom to see me the centre of attention amongst a group of beautiful women. The timing was perfect. I pretend not to notice her. I sense her approaching my back, I feel a tug on my shirt. The woman was marking her territory. I love a good jealously plotline. I had completely turned the situation around.

Rather then go back to her chilly clique, I bid her adieu and told her I’d text her. In all honesty, I didn’t expect the interaction to go much further…

Day 2, lock down.

A busy room indeed..

No need to text. I turn on my phone at 2 pm and the texts come in. She wanted to meet, asap. I had another date at midnight so we meet at 7pm.  By 10 I was indulging in my sweet little Maltese sex machine. I don’t usually give too much detail, but I will say she was incredible, someone I clicked with on many levels. After my third orgasm I released I missed my second date, but I didn’t care.

The next day I ended up back here in Ireland.

The siege of Malta was complete!

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10 Responses to The Siege of Malta

  1. mrkillian November 27, 2010 at 3:39 pm #

    what a week… ese culo 😉

  2. Tony Ryan November 29, 2010 at 1:13 pm #

    You played that scenario in the pretentious club like a champion. When confronted with amogs and cockblocks, 99% of guys would have been stifled and went to the bathroom or gone to the bar or left altogether. Great job on taking control of situation, stepping up and approaching the group of girls.

  3. TheBowTie April 1, 2013 at 10:04 pm #

    How does one approach groups in Malta? I try and fail each time!

    • Maltese Falcon December 9, 2013 at 12:28 am #

      Don’t approach a group just learn to spot which the horny ones are. Just go up to her from the back turn her around and whisper in her ears (sexual compliment) do it like a guy with balls. Alternatively, there is a Bar tactic we Maltese use. scan the area slowly and thoroughly, make eye contact, smile and give her you drink if she takes a sip take a sip and start making out. Do it passionately, and talk as little as possible. If you do it fast enough, escalate things very quickly and if she is horny enough. just take her to the toilet or in the parking lot. Most of the time if you approach a group or especially 2 women and hit on only one of them you WILL get cockblocked. If she doesn’t respond to your advance its probably because there is already a guy she is interested in. Maltese women do tend to pick up guys.

  4. cliff May 8, 2013 at 4:34 am #

    Malta is a very interesting place. The main club area alternates legit club/strip club/restaurant, repeat.

  5. James March 5, 2015 at 6:33 am #

    Was the Indian girl skinny? Plenty of ’em in Malta are the skinny brown ones. Usually Britons or some shit.


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