Malta in a word: Underrated.
Chance of Hooking up: 4 / 5
Quality of Girls: 3.75 / 5
Smoking tolerance level: 3 / 5
City guide ratings explained
Beer: €2.50 for a pint in nightclub.
Bed: €15 for a private room.
Bud: €15 for an 1/8
Board: €7 for a main course.
Budget other: If you stay in Silema or Valletta, prepare to shell out for taxis every night. Stay in St. Juilians or Paceville, trust me.
Malta surprises you. Even on a lonely Monday in quiet November, the nightlife is still rockin’ until the early hours. Not only is it one of the hottest places in all of Europe, it’s cheap to get to and even cheaper to hang out in. Add some rustic charm, a sea view and some sexy Maltese chicks and you’ve got all the ingredients for a fantastic getaway. Malta’s just great!
I rate Maltese girls 3.7.5/5 overall, but if you are in Paceville on the weekend this moves up to a 4.5, with generally high standard. Without hyperbole, over 90% of women are in short skirts at this time, and it’s hard to handle. As for looks, the population has similar features to Italians, with dark features, great hip to waist ratios and decent sized breasts. In contrast, they are slightly smaller and perhaps not quite as liberal. Maltese people are very affectionate and people often hang out in large groups. The guys exhibit serious machismo so you will need to be more alpha than usual to compete. Expect to get cockblocked a lot. Maltese girls require a bit of work, but they are well worth it. With such obstacles, why do I rate the chance of hooking up so highly? Well here’s the thing – if the locals aren’t biting, there is an abundance of sexy expats on offer. Expect to meet plenty of resident Romanians, Baltic babes, Russians and a few Brazilians. In terms of tourists, expect lots of Western Europeans, Scandinavians and a the odd Koreans or Aussie. There’s something for everyone in Malta!
To see more pictures of sexy Maltese girls click here.
Another blogger writes about the local girls in The Maltese Tease.
First off, nearly all of the nightlife is concentrated in a place called Paceville. This is where you need to be. Everywhere is in close proximity to each other so it’s easy to bounce from place to place. Here are some spots you will undoubtedly end up in:
Hugos & Native Bar
Both bars are beside each other. Consistently busy with a central location. Plenty of girls and chart music. Both smoking areas are decent for approaching too. Success was had in both these spots.
This rock bar is my favourite place on the weekends. Great music, laid-back kinky chicks and 25 shooters for €15. If that wasn’t good enough it’s a great place for pick. I consistently pulled several girls a night here.
Everyone ends up in this club. It’s not exactly inspiring, but it’s busy nearly every night and doesn’t shut up shop until 4AM. Weekdays are great, especially Wednesday, but avoid during the weekend – it’s a cockfest. We had no trouble plundering plenty of chicas in this club on the quieter nights.
*Note: A all right warm up place is Pulse – purely because you can sit outside, smoke hukkah and watch all the talent go by..
I found mixed opinions in Malta as to how serious the police take ganja. Apparently it’s just a fine, but some say they will arrest you. I found more info on Marijuana use in Malta here.
My fellow shipmate “Genocide Glen” managed to score some medium grade hashish by befriending a local guy, but he had to drive halfway across the island to get it! He got an 1/8 for €15.
My Malta Experience
I’ve been to Malta twice and LOVED it both times. Check out my stories:
You need to read my last post, The Siege of Malta!
Also my most recent exploits: Malta Reloaded.
Why not check out more cheeky City Guides?