Below is Part 3 or 4 of an interview I did with Steve from nycdaygame.com which was featured in my latest book Naughty Nomad’s Guide to New York City. We talk how to approach girls during the day, openers, and conversation starters.
Edited Transcript Highlights:
How do you get the conversation rolling? Give us some tips.
As I said, I’m a fan of being direct. Having done, taught, and seen so many approaches, I’ve noticed certain patterns work better. The best I’ve found is to let a girl walk past me, then catch up with her and get her to stop by saying, “Hey, excuse me.” The biggest thing is to make sure they stop. If you don’t stop and just start walking with them and try to talk to her, you’ve established they’re taking the lead, and you’re in a submissive follower role trying to get her attention. It’s a bad dynamic, and you usually look like a creep.
Once you get her to stop, the next biggest thing is your non-verbal communication. Your eye contact, tonality, and body language all have to be solid. It’s okay to be a little bit nervous—that shows authenticity—but you should still project confidence.
In terms of actual conversation, I usually talk about what just happened. I say, “I noticed you walking past me, and you caught my eye. I thought you looked pretty cute, so I wanted to come over here and meet you and see if you’re cool.” At this point, I’ve already given them a small compliment, and I’m getting them to qualify themselves. And really, this is healthy. After you do this a lot, you realize you don’t want to take out every cute girl you meet. You want to qualify them and make sure you connect, and your personalities match a little bit. Then I take it from there. So basically, to get into a conversation in three steps: Stop, compliment, and then ask her about her personality. But all that said, 80% of it is your non-verbal communication.
[Note Steve makes a statement when referring to her personality. He does not ask her a question, yet still manages to get her talking.]