Considering visiting Africa?

First time?

For those of you who want to sample the delights of the dark continent, I have two trips that will blow your mind. Countries featured are English speaking, very safe, bureaucratic free and easy to travel in. Both itineraries  can be comfortably completed in under a month.

Check this shit out!

The Eastern Loop

Countries: Uganda, Kenya & Tanzania.

Duration: 3-4 weeks

Trip rating: 4/5

Kenya is a little over-rated, don’t waste too much time here. Get frisky in Metropolitan Nairobi, do the mandatory safari encompassing the Massai Mara then move on. Lake Nukuru is a must.

Tanzania boasts some great sites. Visit Africa’s tallest mountain Mt. Kilomenjaro, afterwards head to idyllic Zanzibar island. You will likely find yourself transiting in Dar es Salaam, not a bad place to party. When you get to the island, spend two nights wondering the cobble stoned streets of gorgeous Stone town, before heading to the pristine white beaches up north.

Uganda is definitively the best of the bunch; the locals are far friendly than surrounding countries. Check out the hedonistic nightlife in Kampala, get your heart pumping white water rafting in Jinja and chill out on an island on serene Lake Bunyoni.

Optional add-on: Consider popping down to Rwanda from Uganda. It is very stable and perfectly safe now. Although Francophone, many of the younger generation also speak English. Malawi and Mozambique is also a possibility. You can also catch a train from Dar es Salaam to Lusaka and add on the Southern Jaunt if you have the time.

The Southern Jaunt

Countries: South Africa, Namibia, Zambia

Duration: 2-4 weeks

Trip rating: 5/5

South Africa is a no-brainer. Base yourself in fabulous Cape Town; experience it’s mutli-cultural vibe and diverse nightlife. For day trips, consider ab-sailing down table mountain, a wine tour in Stellenbosch, and diving with great white sharks! Consider availing of one of the country’s many budget airlines and flying to Zambia.

Zambia is amazing. Get merry with the locals in the capital Lusaka, then head down to Livingstone, one of the best places on earth. Try the world’s best bungee jump, get sauced on a booze cruise on the Zambezi and watch the sun set of one of seven natural wonders of the world – Victoria falls (bloody gorgeous).

Namibia offers some of the most dramatic desert scenery on earth. The capital Windhoek is very pleasant for a day or two, but the action is in Swakopmund. Have a go sand boarding, then go quading through the desert (probably the most fun I’ve had in my life). Then get a superb aerial view of the desert meeting the Atlantic - by jumping out of a plane!

Optional add-ons: If you prefer to overland to Zambia, do a Safari in Botswana. If you have more time, rent a car in Namibia. You can visit the Himba tribe in the north or explore the stunning Skeleton coast further south.

So there you have it! If you have 2 months + consider Nairobi to Cape Town!

Kampala in a word: Bootylicious.
C.O.H: 4 / 5
Q.O.G: 3 / 5
S.T.L: 3.5 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer:Around  €.90
Bed: €12 for  a private
Bud: €1 a gram
Board: €3 for a meal.
Budget other: Some of the best white water rafting in the world! Budget around €80
Currency Conversion

Overview

Uganda kicks ass! Kampala is base camp and party central.  It’s also one the few cities where you can find monkeys hanging around your room. Ugandans are considerable more friendly than the Kenyans next door. White water rafting and lake Bunyonyi are an absolutely must. This place offers endless entertainment.

The Girls

If you’re a man that likes a hip to ration ratio to beat the band, you’re in the right place. They have tiny waists with big assets that would convert any man. They got it and they know how to use it. Bootylicous babes stalk the city and are keen to meet foreigners.  But remember,  like a lot of east Africa there’s alot of working girls at night. If you have no options just shore em. Even if she seems normal and friendly be careful – there are a lot of pick pockets so you need to be on your guard. If you go to right night spot you can find ‘normal’ girls. Your best bet is day game but it’s hard to find time with all activities around.  Just ask a girl for her phone number and she will jump at the chance.  Girls here are very direct and anything but frigid. Many are curious to bed a foreigner and make sure their good ambassadors in the bedroom. They sure leave a lasting impression. If you strike out just get stoned and play with the monkeys.

Nightlife Recommendations

There isn’t too many tourists who brave the streets at night time, which is good for you!

Top Pub/Sax bar
Boom city. They are both around the same area, goods places to for a casual drink and also to pick up some sexy Kampala girls. Watch your wallet. Open 24 hours.

Capital Pub
Capital pub is really more of a disco than a pub and a really good night out. Not all the girls here are working girls.

Getting High (courtesy of webehigh.com)

Legislation: Marijuana is illegal in Uganda, and so is any related action.
There have been calls by farmers to legalize, but no action has been taken.

Law enforcement: Police have conducted raids on local farmers. But people smoke out in the open in many parts of the country.

Where to buy marijuana: Go to Kasanga or Kabalaga on the outskirts of Kampala, down Gaba road. You can usually find someone at Al’s Bar or Capitol Pub.

Even better, get to know a boda-boda taxi driver and ask them to get it for you. You can get them pre-rolled or in larger quantities from someone’s neighboring village.

This is “Uganja.” It is referred to as gangja, weed, salad, and bang…

Marijuana prices: In Kampala, 30 hand-rolled marijuana cigarettes for roughly 10,000 Uganda shillings ($5.70). You can get more in rural areas for much less.

More information: You can find marijuana almost anywhere in Uganda, especially in Ssese Islands and Sipi Falls. Just find a young staff member at a hotel to help get it for you.

My Kampala Experience

White water rafting was the highlight. But there was a close second. This was the fastest close I’ve ever experience. I was outside Sax when this slim, big booty babe approached me. She whispered in my ear…

“You’re eyes are like paradise”

“…eh… thanks”

That may have been a line but it totally worked. She got right to it…

“I want to make love to you, African style..”

“For free!?” I asked.

“Of course for free, we can go here…” She pointed at the building in the distance.

“Let’s go!” I gleefully replied.

She walked ahead of me, flaunting her amazing ass in a delberate and teasing fashion. When we got to the room and the first thing she said was…

“You are like water… I need to drink you”

I’ll leave the rest up to your imaginations.

It was all good, until one hour later when she told me – By the way, I’ve HIV…

Let me know about your Kampala experiences and leave a comment!