So you’ve just broken up with your former sweetie-pie.
It feels like your world’s crumbled. You’ve prayed to Google to help stop the pain and now here you are.
Welcome to the club. It happens the best of us.
It could have been cheating, substance abuse, or migration, but either way the results are the same: debilitating heartbreak.
‘Heartbreak’ doesn’t quite describe it though, does it?
You let your guard down, ignored the red flags, fell in love, and now it feels like somebody churned your soul through a meat grinder, fed it the hounds, and whatever was left in the dog-shit was left for the flies.
You are that lonely turd right now.
I know, right? Awful.
Okay, first things first.
Step 1: Get disgracefully drunk
I mean coma-drunk.
This is not beer time, this is whiskey time. Even if you hate whiskey, drink up (what’s a little more suffering?). You’re a grown-ass man, and if you’re a going to cry while singing Radiohead into a bottle, by the gods it better be a whiskey.
Now let go. Empty out. I want you to feel everything until you feel nothing.
Good. Now you should probably chug some water and knock out. You probably haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep since this mess, and it will do you some good.
Step 2: Talk to friends.
Repeat Step 1, but this time with friends. That’s what they’re there for.
Hibernating at home and wallowing in self-pity won’t do you any good or speed up this process. You don’t need time to ‘absorb’ these feelings to get over them. You need to unload them and distract yourself. Don’t bottle it up.
Share your feelings with some good friends. That may sound a little lame to some, but trust me, you’ll feel better. Most guys have been hurt bad at some stage, so they know how it feels. Ask them how they got through it. Even if they give you shitty advice, it helps to talk.
Step 3: Get laid fast, but no fuglies.
You may have heard the adage “get under somebody to get over somebody”, and I believe it to be true.
The best thing you can possibly do to help your recovery is to sleep with other women. I say women plural because too many guys end up getting overly-attached to their rebound, using them like methadone to ween themselves off the love drug.
Try and sleep with at least two girls and avoid getting into any serious relationships. You are vulnerable right now and you need perspective, and having more than one option will give you that.
I’ve also found that this step is only as effective as the attractiveness of your rebound. You should try to sleep with somebody reasonably good-looking, preferably on par or better looking that your ex—or at least have a nice body.
You may think banging the first troll that waddles along is going help you, but it will have the opposite effect. It will lower your self-worth even further.
You better than that, bro.
Anyway, these are the first three steps I’ve found most effective to getting over heartbreak.
If you really want to fast-track your recovery you could do all three in one night!
What do you think?
Is there any thing that helps you with a bad break up?
Share your thoughts and leave a comment.