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Bissau City Guide (Guinea-Bissau)

Central Bissau… chilled.

Bissau in a word: Scamville.

Chance of Hooking up: 3 / 5
Quality of Girls: 2.5 / 5
Nightlife: 2 / 5
Smoking tolerance level: 3 / 5

City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: €1.50 for a beer.
Bed: €15 for a private room.
Bud: Cheap, €2 for a decent handful.
Board: Rip. Dakar prices @ €5 for a basic meal.
Budget other: The nightlife is spread out, you will need taxis.

Currency Conversion

Overview

Bissau is a quiet capital with less than half a million people. There is little to do and places to go. It’s very laid back and even the main streets are  traffic-free most of the time. But traffic is a big problem here – drug traffic that is. Guinea Bissau is a major drugs hub, a favourite trans-shipment point for drugs to Europe (drugs are dam cheap btw). Still, its perfectly pleasant, and you will enjoy the hassle-free atmosphere if you’re coming from Senegal or Gambia. Worth a few days, avoid mid-week. Beware of scammers, we had more problems here than anywhere else.

The Girls

If you haven’t already, I’d strongly recommend  you read my article Sex in Africa 101 before continuing.

Miss Guinea-Bissau 2011

Due to its small size, beautiful women are not strong in numbers. That said, on the weekends you can find some really cute girls, particularly some Fulas and ‘mesticoats’  of mixed Portuguese and African descent, including a Cape Verdean minority. As a Westerner you will attract some attention but the language barrier here is a problem (more so than any other West African country). The main language is Kriol, a Portuguese-based creole, followed by French and Portuguese. English is last on the list. Most girls who speak it are either well educated, rich or foreign sex workers, all of which you will find at night. Language aside, it’s easy to meet girls with any words once you can communicate on the dance floor. Guinea – Bissau is dirt poor and girls expect un cadeau (a gift: ie.cash) in the morning so just make sure you understand each other when it comes to going home. You don’t need to pay, plenty of girls will fuck you out of curiosity.  Day game is easy, but options sparse. Frankly, without French you may struggle.

Nightlife Recommendations

You’re lucky you stumbled on this site. I’ve managed to squeeze blood from a stone and find the only place that’s busy every night: info you won’t find  anywhere else on the internet.

X Club

This upscale place may not be up to much mid-week, but hosts the best looking women in the city. Good pre-club place before my next recommendation or Bambu.

Saburu

This place is a local hot-spot. It’s the only venue that attracts a decent crowd every night. It’s two stories, has plenty of chicks and the drinks are reasonable too. It’s easy to pick up here. Upstairs is a bit more chilled if you meet a girl on the dance floor downstairs.

Bambu is another mad house, but only good weekends. It’s a little out of town and full of tail.

Getting High

WARNING: Do not bring drugs in from Senegal. This border had the most extensive search I’ve ever experienced in my entire life. They will search every nook and cranny of every pocket, bag and item of clothing. Don’t have even one seed in your shoe. They can spend up to twenty minutes checking you.

Where to buy marijuana: Ask expats. The penalties are harsh so be careful. You will sometimes be offered it by locals but be careful about who you trust. Scam are very common here. The Bijagos islands is an easy place to get it. Just ask the rastas.

Prague Marijuana Prices: Weed is dirt cheap. 5,000 CFA (around €10) can get you half a kilo if you’re in the know. This will give an idea of how much you should be paying. But if you’re a tourist looking to get stoned for a few days, expect to pay 1,000 – 1,500 for a pack (enough to fill 10 joints or so).

My Bissau Experience

Firstly learn from my experience and read about the phone and restaurant scams that were pulled on us in Bissau.

Unfortunately, the boat returning to Bissau from the Bubaque (Bijagos islands) is on a Sunday, so we didn’t get the weekend in. My second night went out with a local girl, but the communication problem didn’t take me farther than her lips. When we eventually did find a nightlife (for all of one night), we let loose. Unfortunately that cockblocking prick who owned the hotel wouldn’t let me bring my girl in!

Most nights we end up hanging out with a British ex-military de-miner named Harry, he granted us access to the army…

Long story short, here’s me is Bissau with a live rocket launcher.

About to blow my load.

😉

Why not check out more cheeky City Guides?

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12 Responses to Bissau City Guide (Guinea-Bissau)

  1. gavinmac July 9, 2011 at 4:30 pm #

    Interesting. Am planning a trip there in October. Where are Saburu and X Club located?

    Is there an expat scene? Any other bars/restaurants you recommend?

    Thanks.

    • Naughty Nomad July 10, 2011 at 1:30 pm #

      :@Gavinmac: X club in in city center. You can find it through LP.
      I have no idea where saburu is, but we had to get a taxi. Most locals know the place. I can’t quite remember if it was Subura or Saburu.

  2. neil.skywalker July 9, 2011 at 9:55 pm #

    So, did you fire that rocket launcher ? That would be cool. I heard you can do it in Cambodia. You can shoot a cow there but i have serious moral issues shooting a cow for fun in a country where people are starving or at least under fed.

    Grtz Neil

    • Naughty Nomad July 10, 2011 at 1:32 pm #

      @Neil: No, sadly I didn’t fire it. I heard about that in Cammy to but not sure if it’s true…

  3. Pepe Escobar July 10, 2011 at 9:25 am #

    You forgot to tell us that the stinger missile accidentally chased an inbound cocaine airplane so you and your buddy had to escape through the jungle…

    @neil
    I think the cow shooting thing is an urban legend. But it would be great business idea for hostels in 3rd world countires to organize shooting days at local army barracks. It’s big fun and the local soldiers can earn a little on the side.

    • Naughty Nomad July 10, 2011 at 1:26 pm #

      @pepe: Dam it man! You ruined the second part of the story!

  4. Pepe Escobar July 10, 2011 at 8:35 pm #

    Apparently you do can shoot cows and chicken in Cambodia
    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/travel/article723049.ece
    Money buys anything… sick.

    But firing guns… is always fun.

  5. mendes November 13, 2014 at 10:50 pm #

    hi,
    may i ask you why you are using my picture in this shit blog??
    delete it if you dont want any troble. (cause im ready to take it as far as it take)

    • Naughty Nomad November 14, 2014 at 7:03 am #

      Where is your pic?

    • Naughty Nomad November 14, 2014 at 7:04 am #

      Ps- Go fucked yourself. Learn some tack.

  6. TheBoss September 7, 2016 at 11:17 am #

    Yo I heard this place is full of coke any idea where the best place to find some is?? (Not looking to do anything stupid just looking for a good cheap buzz while travelling through)

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  1. The Year in Review | Naughty Nomad - February 15, 2016

    […] the coast, plundering by night as Mexican Pirates! It was epic.  We hit up the Gambia, Senegal, Guinea Bissau, Guinea, Sierra Leone, Liberia, Cote d’Ivoire, Ghana, Benin, Togo and Nigeria. I capture 7 […]

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