Four years ago, me and some buddies travelled to the Baltics: Lithuania, Latvia and Estonia.

Ryanair had just started flights to the area and at that time it remained largely untrodden compared to other parts of Eastern Europe.

When I first visited cities like Riga and Tallinn, I was convinced I had discovered pussy heaven. There were barely any tourists and the local chicks outnumbered the guys in the bars.

But all good things come to an end.

I just came back from Riga and Tallinn.

What the fuck? 

I should have seen it coming.

It’s happened before in cities like Prague, Rio and Krakow…

The mass migration of cock.

You’ve seen it before.

Stage one: First, the low cost airlines move in.

Stage Two: A few guys travel there out of curiosity. Then they go home and let the secret out – telling their friends about the new mating grounds.

Stage Three: The migration. All of a sudden, there’s an army of horny guys swarming the place with the hopes of getting their dicks wet. First the Italians, then the Brits and then the Americans.

In Estonia for example,

In 2009, visitor numbers were 1.38 Milllion.

In 2011, visitors numbers were 1.8 million.

That’s an increase of over 30% in just two years!!!

You think that’s bad? – Go to Riga. It’s turned into the City of Penis.

Damn.

I’m sorry, for this is partly my fault. It’s blogs like mine that let the cat out of the bag and have sent men to these places in their droves.

Luckily, most guys are clueless and you can still get laid in these places- but it’s just harder than it used to be.

The truth is, all good playgrounds are eventually spoiled. I can tell you where to go before the rest find out, but you better move fast.

So, where will fall next? 

The Balkans: I suspect Bucharest, Belgrade and Sofia will fall next.

Poland: Krakow is already stag-central. I predict Warsaw and Gdansk are next.

Kiev, Ukraine: The cheap airlines have just opened routes to the UK. When I was there, women vastly outnumbered men. After the European Championships this summer, I fear for the city’s future.

The Philippines: It’s too good to be true. Expect the likes of Boracay to a cockfest in 5 years.

I hope I’m wrong, but after returning to the Baltics, I fear for us all.

This post will self-destruct in one week.

I’ll keep it short and sweet. I’m having too much fun at the moment and haven’t had a chance to post. I’m travelling with a crew of three pirates and two leprechauns (I’m dressed like the former of course). I’ve just spend two nights in Oslo and last night in Riga. I’m going to Tallinn tonight. Oslo was so crazy expensive that we drank A LOT of vodka before we hit the streets. Lets see what happened…

Highlights:

• First night in Oslo:  got plastered drunk thanks to fellow writer and flagger Altas Al over at flaggingheadquaters.com. It was a great night, but unfortunately I woke the next morning in some random bed with a beast of a Viking beside me… the horror, the horror.
• The next day I met with Al for some the best pizza of my life and I got to preview their  new book: Destination Fornication: the Field guide for Flaggers.  They’ve done a fantastic job and I recommend you pick up a copy. It’s mandatory reading for any flagger!
• Second night in Oslo: Determined to rectify my standards, I upped my game 100x. I went to a rock bar and ended up with two girls on my arm and spent the rest of the night in a three-way make out. The other guys in the bar thought I was an absolute legend. I called them “my wenches”. I even had a girl approach me in front of them and ask me to fuck her instead of them. “Sorry love, two is better than one,” was my response. Norwegians have to be the friendliest in Europe.
• Fast forward to the worst morning of my life. Long story short, the night before the wenches brought back to their apartment for a threesome, but I was so fucking drunk I collapsed on the sofa the second we got in the door. I can’t remember a thing. I woke up late for the bus to the airport and had to pay… wait for it…. 480 US dollars for a taxi!  No, that’s not a typo. It was 2,777 NOK. To add insult to injury, I had to pay another $95 because I didn’t check in online with Ryanair. No threesome, no money, and the worst hangover of my life, but at least I made the flight…
• Last night I went out in Riga and continued my ‘hot streak’ – if you could call it that. I gamed a hottie of Russian descent. I worked hard  in an environment that was 80% sausage. Crucially, I STOPPED drinking and switched to water and coffee.
  Bottom line: Latvian flag captured.
  

Bring on Estonia.

 

 

Riga in a word: Ridiculous.
C.O.H: 3 / 5
Q.O.G: 5 / 5
S.T.L: 3 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: Around  €3 for a pint
Bed: €12 for a private room
Bud: €15 per gram
Board: €6 for a pizza.
Budget other: Beware: some nightclubs charge exorbitant prices like €7.50 for a  bottle of Corona.
Currency Conversion

Overview

Riga has it all – a charming old town, great night-life and its near a beach. It’s the most expensive Baltic country but that will probably change. The biggest attraction here is…

 

 

The Girls

Book an appointment with your physician before your return flight; after spending a few days here your neck will be in tethers. I mean it’s ridiculous, you can’t even eat breakfast without being constantly distracted by the barrage of stunning specimens on display. With naturally beautiful faces and shamefully slim, well proportioned physiques, only Kiev might compare. Even the mannequins are hot! They may a take a bit of gaming so you need to step up. Some social proof and a little peak-cocking is advised. You need to get here. You need to get here now. Click here.

Nightlife Recommendations

Conveniently  there is a good concentration of night options in the old town. Your mission: Try and avoid the British stag parties.

I love you bar

This place has two floors and cheap beers. Upstairs is better for conversation. I actually got approached here!

Club Essential

Massive after hours club packed with tons of hotties and even a few 10′s!

 

 

Any more suggestions on this section would be welcome. I can not, for the life of me remember the names of half the places I went to.

Getting High (courtesy of webehigh.com)

Law enforcement: If you get caught with amount smaller than 1 gram it’s only an administrative offence and you can get away with a fine or bribe – approximatelly 30Ls (~17$) should be enough. But on the other hand – if you are foreigners, they will probably want more – just act you don’t have any more cash and that you’re in hurry – it is very likely they will accept the the offer. But if it’s more than 1 gram you will be considered as dealer and then you’re in trouble. But it is extremely uncommon to get searched without a reason – so if you don\’t get in any trouble and/or act VERY suspicious, you should be safe.

Where to buy marijuana: It’s best if you have a friend who has a friend, because if you buy form a unknown dealer on the street it is quite possible to get low quality weed. You can try asking people who look like ones who should know… I highly recommend asking punk-looking youth. They are usually very friendly and will tell you where to get it (or even sell you their own). A place to look for dealers is Old Riga but don’t expect good quality and price. Never ask skinheads! They will act very friendly and tell you they know a place to buy cheap and very good marijuana and ask to follow. If you do so, expect to get beaten and robbed.

Marijuana prices: Usual price is 7Ls (14$) for a gram. But it will be more in Old Riga and a bit cheaper if you\’re lucky to find a good dealer.
Prices vary 6 LVL – 10 LVL ($11 – $18,5) per gram Actually “gram” is not a fixed value in Latvia, but the price is. It can happen that you buy from a gypsy dealer, you can pay 10 LVL for the thing called “gram” by that dealer, but actual ammount would be smaller. $1 approx. = 0,54 LVL

My Riga Experience

I was here for 2 nights with 4 good friends. I k-closed 2 local girls  and made out with a Finnish girl  (much to her BF’s dismay I’d say), but unfortunately no full close. At least I have an excuse to come back! I imagine a 2nd meet-up and an adherence to Mystery’s 7 hour rule would have you golden.