The Bottom Feeders of the New York Jungle

In the concrete jungle of New York City, we can observe many different types of male specimens.

NYC is a city of extremes. Both the zenith and nadir of the masculine spectrum exist here. At the top we have the big cats—hunters with many loyal females in their pride. Then, all the way down the food chain, we have the bottomfeeders.

In this jungle, good looking females don’t want for anything. The bottomfeeders provide. If she plays the game well here, she can get these lowly creatures to supply her with food, drink, drugs, and even rent—without even offering a handjob.

These pathetic enablers come in different forms.

The Alco Ants

They exist in more numbers than any other animal in the jungle. These mindless little workers worship the female like a queen, showering her with Appletinis and shots in the hope she’ll give him attention. But ultimately, they’re destined to work, serve the female imperative, and then die without producing offspring. It’s sad how many men in New York are willing to buy drinks for girls they’ve just met. They are easy crushed under the paw of the mighty lion.

Appetizer Antelopes

A reliable food source. They exist is large numbers, provide plenty of meat, and are easy prey. These clueless herd animals sole function is to provide food for the lionesses whenever they are in the mood. I know plenty of good looking girls in New York who can simply make a phone call and have some pathetic dude bring her out for a nice meal.

Dumbo the Elephant

The elephant is big and strong, but slow. He has no idea of his power. His ears believe every word of the Jungle Times that tells he is worthless, simply for having a truck. Even the smallest mousette can send him into a panic. In NYC, I’ve experienced young, high paid, attractive guys paying $200+ just for a girl to show up on the date, using site like whatsyourprice (aka sadbatards.com).

The Bumbling Baboon

He is the laughing the stock of the jungle. He’s ugly, stupid, and the only thing that females find interesting about him is his big, red, shiny… American express card. This is the man that females call up to take them shopping and pay for everything. He dresses up women in sexy couture that ironically only serves to prompt better men to undress her—and he ends up will the bill. How sad.

The Doddering Donkey

He’s aged, feeble, and lives to serve. He will be worked, used and mistreated till his grave. He might just be the saddest creature of them all. He is the old guy who lets young women take him for a ride. He pays for her rent, her car, and her lifestyle, and his only reward is the pretty smile she gives after he breaks in back. HE-HAW! 

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16 Responses to The Bottom Feeders of the New York Jungle

  1. whorefinder April 6, 2014 at 3:05 am #

    Man, so happy I’ve never falled THAT far down the beta hole.

    For all these guys, a hooker — a well-reviewed escort, ahem — would be a better deal.

    Which is what In went to in NYC when I was at my nadirs.

    Rape!

  2. heartbeat April 6, 2014 at 5:06 am #

    Definitely a drop in the quality of your posts Mark, This must have taken you a couple of hours at most. I’m sure you have more glittering prizes ahead but don’t take your eye of the ball.

    All the best you rogue!

  3. Ali S April 6, 2014 at 11:09 am #

    Wow this is a sad post. You seem bitter that these guys get their money to do the talking for them (unsuccessfully alright, but that’s beside the point – game can only help you so much once you hit north of 35, after that money really does talk, especially in NYC where there’s plenty of it to go around).

    • Naughty Nomad April 6, 2014 at 7:05 pm #

      It’s not intended to be bitter. It’s intended to be pitiful. I have no problem buying a girl a drink on a date… but these guys are spending $$$ and not even getting a peck on the lips. I’d respect whoremongers more.

      • Ali S April 6, 2014 at 8:55 pm #

        There’s also a specific demographic of young professionals in NYC bars who enjoy blowing cash just to impress rather than scoring – reeks of insecurity, but it’s supposedly a potent status booster. You might have encountered them too. I find it hard to believe that young successful guys who spend openly can’t get laid in a place as sexually open as NYC, where money talks more than any sort of game – either they’re aiming too high or lack basic social skills. But if they work in IT and are of Indian descent, then I think I can understand.

  4. Question for NN April 6, 2014 at 11:16 am #

    Speaking of the jungle, how have you been doing female-wise in NYC these days?

    • Naughty Nomad April 6, 2014 at 7:02 pm #

      Exceptionally well :)

      • Question for NN April 6, 2014 at 8:40 pm #

        Sweet. No blog post or even a tweet about that anymore (kinda the main reason most of us lurk around here I suppose). You should do one soon. So how many new high-quality birds since your move to Manhattan?

        And how’s your financial situation holding up. You gotta let us know about your plans of ‘making it’ in NYC money-wise – the world flocks there for that very reason.

  5. Brian Mark April 7, 2014 at 11:58 pm #

    Everything you say about NYC is true. I used to live up there. Tons of money and beta males to keep the women there spoiled. It’s a tough market up there. I’m eagerly waiting for Part 2: how you play NYC to be successful.

  6. Lonny April 9, 2014 at 3:30 pm #

    Lol! Those are so funny. But as you stay in good ole NYC you may, with a keen eye, spot the ever elusive diminutive goat ferret. It’s such a shame for the diminutive goat ferret because when he sees a perceived enemy he puffs up his chest to look bigger, when he should just accept he is tiny and not behave in such a way. He usually stays away from bigger ferrets, but when he does, he lifts huge acorns to give the illusion of size as a way to warn off the larger males and to attract females. This seldom seen species also migrates a lot.

    • Ali S April 10, 2014 at 2:33 pm #

      Zing. Said goat ferret happens to live in a tiny hoarding in an undervalued part of the forest and in pursuit of his insatiable appetite for short-term pleasures, doesn’t realize that he has failed to amass any substantial wealth to show for his achievements. The goat ferret also tends to mock others at their lack of sexual dominance while conveniently ignoring that none of his conquests want to have his progeny. He isn’t particularly good at reading the females of the wider forest either and mistakes being taken as a plaything for ‘alpha-ness’.

      • Naughty Nomad April 10, 2014 at 10:36 pm #

        I also forgot to mention mosquitoes.

  7. Barns April 10, 2014 at 8:03 pm #

    Nomad Knows. I’ve been to 40+ countries, and when I go to NYC, I want to go home and brush my teeth with a coat hanger and strangle an infant kitten. Men in NYC are jerkoffs, your best bet in North America(Not incl. Mexico ;) is Montreal. One of the greatest cities in the world, what a beaut it is.

  8. Brian April 11, 2014 at 3:48 am #

    Nomad-
    Im a 31 yo Omega with a v card.

    What would be the best City I could go to to pull a crazy Euro blonde for a SNL?

  9. Dante April 22, 2014 at 2:30 am #

    Dude, your website is TOTALLY lagging as of late. I used to be a loyal reader. Are you hibernating? Are you planning a new launch of your site? The layout is balls, the HTML is not very cool. When I came to the first page of your blog, a pop up loaded asking me to join your mailing list and the graphic totally has a dead link. I can’t even see it. I am using the latest version of my browser. For all this bottom-feeder BS you are spewing in this post, you sure aren’t offering much value yourself. Your content is played out. You need to reinvent your blog bro. Don’t just blow off your readers and DEFEND the crappy quality of your site and content. You had TWO of your readers comment above on the horrible quality of your content and you just defended instead of acknowledging. You aren’t communicating with your readership. You seem dismissive to anyone who doesn’t agree with your ideas. Makes you come of as a complete chode. A true leader and innovator knows how to take constructive criticism and not minimize or dismiss the concerns of others. You will probably delete this post, but I’m just saying man tighten it up. I know this site is a part of your marketing campaign, else you wouldn’t be advertising a book in the top banner. You brand is losing it’s luster..

    • Lonny April 25, 2014 at 11:47 am #

      Ouch, but true and the forum could do with a spring makeover too. if he has the time and inclination..

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