Or at least the first one while both parties were sober…
Last night my date proposed to me… on DAY 2!
It was the most surreal date of my life. Of late, I’ve had a propensity to date devoutly religious virgins in their teens. I don’t what it is, but I keep ending up with these chicks. I’m getting laid by other girls but I’ve gotten to the stage where I relish a challenge. I’ve finally found a worthy nemesis – God, the biggest cockblock ever.
In reality, my interactions with these women ultimately end in stalemate. They want to get very serious, very fast, while I’m more interested in feeding my ego by taking what is most precious to them – their chastity. The situation usually involves hardcore Muslim girls, but yesterday was a little different.
It was my second date with an attractive 19 year old Nigerian Christian. Customary to most of my day 2’s, we ended up in bed. Although she let herself become extremely aroused, she wouldn’t escalate to sexual intercourse. She was a virgin and she informed me she was adamant on waiting until she was married. Cockblocked by God, again.
We then proceeded to have one of those effortless, multi-facted conversations that last all night and end up with each person having a profound and intimate understanding of the other. We talked about religion, our core beliefs and values. I built so much comfort it felt like we went through a 5 year relationship in one night. I tried my best to challenge her creationist beliefs and dismantle her dogmatic values, but my efforts were futile.
I told her it could never work. She said it could.
At the risk of loosing me she came up a crazy solution – she proposed to me.
She asked to be the father of her children, her baby daddy.
“Are you serious?” I asked.
“I’m very serious.” She insisted, looking lovingly in my eyes.
I didn’t believe her at first, but she was completely dead set. This girl wanted to marry me. I was in shock, but rather flattered.
She had it all worked out:
“You can still go travelling, I don’t want to get in the way of your dreams but I want to be married by the time I’m 25.”
“You didn’t give me an answer..” She said, looking for the elusive “I do”.
I told her I’d think about it, I talked about comprise. 6 years is a long time and I don’t plan on settling down so early, but it’s nice to know I’ll have the option of a cute virgin bride when I’m in my early thirties…
This morning she woke up and sneaked off to the shops, surprising me with a cooked Irish breakfast in bed, what a sweetheart.
On reflection, it was a rather intense second date.
Have I learnt my lesson? Sigh.. I wish. I’m courting a young Libyan beauty at the moment. We haven’t even been on a date yet and she’s already asking me to get serious. WTF? I’m still going to see the Christian too.
Why do I do this to myself?