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Man! Writing these guides just brings back fond memories. Nothing like the incredible excitement you feel when you get a strange new city or even a familiar favourite.

Why is it when you’re not travelling you always feel like you’re missing out on something?

…Oh, I know.  BECAUSE YOU ARE.

I look at pictures of tanned, toned half-naked ladies  and can’t help but think…

Why am I not there?

I deserve to be in a warm country over-sexed and hungover.

I’m in hibernation, spending my days inside and foraging for cash, just so I leave again! I don’t even notice Irish women. I seen them as men. I don’t even bother going out. I have ZERO interest. The only thing that perks me up is the odd Black, Asian and European girl that happens to fall into my lap. But still.. it’s just not… abroad.

Abroad is where to I want to go,

where booze is cheap and cocktails flow.

Abraod is where it’s nice and hot,

on hammocks chillin, smoking pot.

Abroad has sexy girls galore,

with slim, dark bodies to explore.

But here at home the standard drops,

with pasty, flabby muffin tops.

I’ve had enough, I’m outta here,

Destination: anywhere.


6 Responses to Abroad…

  1. slpmartin May 3, 2010 at 2:48 am #

    An interesting poem…have a nice trip.

  2. 3extra October 3, 2010 at 11:08 pm #

    I’m Irish and couldn’t agree more with your opinions of Irish women. Your blog is a good read.

  3. roo August 15, 2011 at 4:16 am #

    this poem really reflects my heart

    as i scratch my balls and wish for a tart

    i think of grand times of old

    of drinking, gaming and naked in the cold

    reading ‘measures of gdp’ just dont appeal to me

    as do quito, rio and bali


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