Port-au-Prince in a word: Post-apocalyptic.

Chance of Hooking up: 4 / 5
Quality of Girls: 2.5 / 5
Smoking tolerance level: 3 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: €1 a beer in centre/€3 in Pétionville.
Bed: under €20 i / €50 for a private room.
Bud: ? €40 per oz.
Board: €2-3 for a fast food meal.
Budget other: Prices vary massively. A coffee in a nice place in Petionville could cost the same as three meals downtown. Pay for a moto-taxi at night – trust me.
Currency Conversion

Overview

Port-au-Prince is two cities. The city centre around Champs de Mars looks post-apocalyptic, a sty of filth & rumble with immense poverty and makeshift camps galore. If you’re white you might experience a little racism. Some Haitians are convinced the US sent a missile underwater to re-direct the earthquake away from Florida (I’m serious). So as far as they’re concerned – you’re white, therefore American, therefore you killed gramma. Most visitors stay in the richer suburb of Pétionville, 20 minutes away. It’s a town that looks nearly as developed a Dominican town and has decent nightlife options. I stayed in both places for your benefit.

The Girls

The 2.5 rating applies to the general population. Don’t let it put you off, Port-au-Prince is not short on sexy girls – especially in Pétionville. Miss Hatiti (pictured right) isn’t representative of the population. Most Haitian are much darker and have West African features. Haitian girls have a serious talent for dirty dancing and have tight, yet voluptuous bodies. If you’re a foreigner,  you will receive plenty of attention. Dating a girl who lives in a tent with their family can get complicated, so if you want to pick up, your best bet is definitely Pétionville. The highest quality girls are here; well breed with good looks and higher income. Some even have jobs or attend university. They’re more likely to speak some English too. However, for most women you will need a little French. During the day, go for the girls who are working or frequent coffee shops. Just go over and ask for their number, it’s easy.

Night game is where it’s at in Haiti. When the sun goes down, you will find loads of English-speakers in the high end bars. Most male-female interactions take place on the dance floor. Expect raunchy introductions.

For more sexy pics of Sarodj click here.

Nightlife Recommendations

If you’re staying in Pétionville, stay there – it’s superior. That said, if you like it rough and ready head to the centre for an adventure. I’ve given tips on both…

City centre:

Bar De lere

I’m pretty sure this was the name of this street-corner bar. It’s open 24 hours, busy every night and a local only affair. Girls will stare at you over their boyfriends shoulders. Game, but thread carefully, make sure you befriend some guys so you don’t have any trouble.

Resto Amore

This salsa bar/restaurant may be the only place in the city where women outnumber men. The weekdays are vapid, but there’s still a few chicas about trying out their moves on the dance floor. If I recall it’s on Avenue. H. Christophe.

* If you’re there on the weekend hit up Monte Cristo or Palladium.

Pétionville:

Barak

This bar is a little over-priced, but attracts beautiful women (many of who are working by the way). You can shore, but you will have to lie about how long you’re in town. On the weekends it attracts all sorts. Not a bad place to warm up before my next recommendation…

Jetset

Probably the coolest bar in the whole country. On the weekends, this place is fucking crazy. There are pool tables, a cool crowd and a pumping dance floor. This is definitely the place to be. It’s quiet on the weekdays, but I was there on a Monday and still pulled.

Check on this video I found on Port-au-Prince Nightlife

Getting High

courtesy of webehigh.com

Law enforcement: The Haiti police is corrupt so with some dollar you can bride them if you get caught.

Where to buy marijuana: You must know somebody, but because you are a tourist ask the taxi driver or somebody from your hotel.

Marijuana prices: “500 Gourdes” for a good joint.

My Port-au-Prince Experience

Port-au-Prince was a roller-coaster ride, but all-in-all I really enjoyed my time there. I strongly recommend people visit. Haiti was the highlight of my trip to Hispaniola. My last night there I got mugged and laid in the same night, read about my crazy story here.

Why not check out more cheeky City Guides?

I came to Haiti looking for trouble. I found it…

Monday night was one of the most dramatic nights of my life. Read on for the sex & violence…

I stumbled out of the pub, oblivious to the imminent danger. It was my second night in Port-au-Prince, the archaic capital of Haiti. I was in Petionville, a rich suburb a world away from central part of the city I was in the night before…

Enter Chaos

My first day in the capital, I moseyed a few kilometres south of the bus station into a ghetto north of Champs de Mars. The place was leveled, with the facade of a post-apocalyptic war zone. One of the buildings left standing, a unstable three story structure hunched in the middle, had ‘hotel’ painted on the wall. I checked in. My room was a roach-fest but I was right in the heart of ground zero. On the streets, people gawked at me like I had two heads. Much of the roads were a maze of open sewers, lined with rubbish and hundreds of hawkers selling anything they could. On several occasions, I even saw women just hunch down, and purge themselves right by the roadside. Many crossroads have become massive dumping grounds, where massive piles of filth have accumulated in hills several metres high. All this, to a backdrop of endless make shift camps and rumble.

That first night, I recklessly wondered the streets of one the most dangerous places on earth. Groups of suspicious looking men would stare at me in silence as I walked past. “Salut!” I´d say, and be on my way. The whole night passed without incident, and this on the day crowds swarmed many streets as the election resulted were revealed.

After with such a daring (some would say suicidal) excursion into the underworld of Port-au-Prince, a night bar hopping in the relatively affluent suburb of Petionville seemed a doddle. Wrong.

I was Attacked...

I stumbled out a bar, on my way to see a bartender I was chatting up earlier in the night. Before I knew it I was surrounded by 4 guys.

“Give me fucking money!” One screamed in my face.

They encircled me and squared up. I was royally fucked and couldn’t escape. They start pillaging my pockets.

“Ok, Relax, no problem.”

I lift up my arms and show no resistance. It wasn’t fucking worth it. I didn’t want things to get violent, not with me vs 4 Haitian guys. Luckily, I was prepared. I knew to have barely anything on me. They took my shitty $10 phone I got in East Timor, a bracelet bestowed on me by a Maltese lover and all my drinking money. After that, things got heated. They tried to remove my shoes – that was the line. I got in a brawl and started shouting out for help. There was no chance I was crusin´around barefoot for the rest of the night, it’s just not sexy. Just before they managed to get the second shoe off, help arrived. A moto roared up and the gang scampered. It was a shitty experience, made worse by the fact I was only 100 metres away from the police station. At least I was unharmed.

One more beer (part 2)

After making a report, the moto driver was kind enough to drop me to Jetset, the name of the high end bar my target was working at. I wasn’t about to let some thugs ruin my night. The place looked pretty sedated. I had laid the ground work early in the night so the staff gave me a hearty welcome when I walked in. I pull up chair and tell them what happened. My target sympathised and brought me a beer on the house. Word quickly spread around the counter. A beautiful Haitian girl speaks to me across the bar. She’s young and very slender, with an ass that could start wars. Her English was excellent, a rare thing in Haiti.

“Awhh, poor you. Do you need someone to console you?”

There was a glint in her eye. We got talking, much the annoyance of my bartender. I didn’t care, this hottie was a sure thing. Within 5 minutes, she went for the kill.

“I think you need me to accompany you home. I can be your bodyguard.”

We hopped on a moto, went to back to my hotel…
She was amazing. I couldn’t keep my hands off her. Her body was so divine and addictive. Her plump ebony lips performed masterfully. For the second time in my life, I had quadruple orgasms.

It’s nice went stories have happy endings…

Snapshots are mini town/city guides for smaller places or cities I have only experienced briefly. Here’s a little snapshot of Cap Haitien.

What are one´s first impressions of Cap?

Haiti is essentially Africa in the Caribbean. Expect a lot of stares, blackouts and dirt everywhere. If this is your first stop in Haiti, you’re going to be pretty freaked out. If you’re coming from the capital, Cap will seem pretty laid back. The safety issue here is less of a concern than in Port au Prince. I had no problem stumbling the streets alone in the early hours.

What are the women like?

Most Haitiens have West African features. While they can be hit or miss in terms or facial features, their bodies more than make up for it, certainly trumping the Dominican belly. Expect slim chicks with plump apple bottoms and solid hip to waist ratios. Haitien girls are also some of the sexiest dancers I’ve ever seen. In terms of raw sex appeal, I’d reckon the locals can compete with their Domincian neighbours any day. Haitien girls are also very curious about foreign men and will want to jump your bones. They look at you like a piece of meat. Some French makes all the difference. Day game is recommended if you’re alone, at night the guys are can get pretty territorial.

Where should I go at night-time?

There is zero info online about Cap nightlife so I’m happy to be the first to dish the dirt. I stalked the whole city trying to find anything that resembles a disco. I found it – a place called Versailles. You’re welcome. A movie theatre by day, this place transformed to a Cap’s only disco at night. I was the only white person there but it was great fun and houses a dance floor pumpin’ out great music. At the start of the night its completely dark so it’s not great (apparently its so people can fool around). Later on, things light up and you can holla’ at some chicas. Beers are only a Euro. Enjoy!

Any other recommendations?

Hit up Labadee close by if you want to go from third world to a first Carribean beach resort in one car ride. The owners of the Sandbar Island boat will show you a good time.

The Bottom Line

Very laid back, but a great town to experience Haitien culture.