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Aftershock: My Last Night in Haiti. F**k.

I came to Haiti looking for trouble. I found it…

Monday night was one of the most dramatic nights of my life. Read on for the sex & violence…

I stumbled out of the pub, oblivious to the imminent danger. It was my second night in Port-au-Prince, the archaic capital of Haiti. I was in Petionville, a rich suburb a world away from central part of the city I was in the night before…

Enter Chaos

My kind of vacation...

My first day in the capital, I moseyed a few kilometres south of the bus station into a ghetto north of Champs de Mars. The place was leveled, with the facade of a post-apocalyptic war zone. One of the buildings left standing, a unstable three story structure hunched in the middle, had ‘hotel’ painted on the wall. I checked in. My room was a roach-fest but I was right in the heart of ground zero. On the streets, people gawked at me like I had two heads. Much of the roads were a maze of open sewers, lined with rubbish and hundreds of hawkers selling anything they could. On several occasions, I even saw women just hunch down, and purge themselves right by the roadside. Many crossroads have become massive dumping grounds, where massive piles of filth have accumulated in hills several metres high. All this, to a backdrop of endless make shift camps and rumble.

An Accurate Depiction

That first night, I recklessly wondered the streets of one the most dangerous places on earth. Groups of suspicious looking men would stare at me in silence as I walked past. “Salut!” I´d say, and be on my way. The whole night passed without incident, and this on the day crowds swarmed many streets as the election resulted were revealed.

After with such a daring (some would say suicidal) excursion into the underworld of Port-au-Prince, a night bar hopping in the relatively affluent suburb of Petionville seemed a doddle. Wrong.

I was Attacked...

I stumbled out a bar, on my way to see a bartender I was chatting up earlier in the night. Before I knew it I was surrounded by 4 guys.

“Give me fucking money!” One screamed in my face.

They encircled me and squared up. I was royally fucked and couldn’t escape. They start pillaging my pockets.

“Ok, Relax, no problem.”

A gang in Port-au-Prince

I lift up my arms and show no resistance. It wasn’t fucking worth it. I didn’t want things to get violent, not with me vs 4 Haitian guys. Luckily, I was prepared. I knew to have barely anything on me. They took my shitty $10 phone I got in East Timor, a bracelet bestowed on me by a Maltese lover and all my drinking money. After that, things got heated. They tried to remove my shoes – that was the line. I got in a brawl and started shouting out for help. There was no chance I was crusin´around barefoot for the rest of the night, it’s just not sexy. Just before they managed to get the second shoe off, help arrived. A moto roared up and the gang scampered. It was a shitty experience, made worse by the fact I was only 100 metres away from the police station. At least I was unharmed.

One more beer (part 2)

After making a report, the moto driver was kind enough to drop me to Jetset, the name of the high end bar my target was working at. I wasn’t about to let some thugs ruin my night. The place looked pretty sedated. I had laid the ground work early in the night so the staff gave me a hearty welcome when I walked in. I pull up chair and tell them what happened. My target sympathised and brought me a beer on the house. Word quickly spread around the counter. A beautiful Haitian girl speaks to me across the bar. She’s young and very slender, with an ass that could start wars. Her English was excellent, a rare thing in Haiti.

Man I love black chicks...

“Awhh, poor you. Do you need someone to console you?”

There was a glint in her eye. We got talking, much the annoyance of my bartender. I didn’t care, this hottie was a sure thing. Within 5 minutes, she went for the kill.

“I think you need me to accompany you home. I can be your bodyguard.”

We hopped on a moto, went to back to my hotel…
She was amazing. I couldn’t keep my hands off her. Her body was so divine and addictive. Her plump ebony lips performed masterfully. For the second time in my life, I had quadruple orgasms.

It’s nice went stories have happy endings…

Me in Petionville the next morning

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27 Responses to Aftershock: My Last Night in Haiti. F**k.

  1. gringoed February 9, 2011 at 9:38 pm #


  2. craigmachine February 10, 2011 at 2:32 am #

    im glad to read you only hooked up with natives…since my sister teaches there

  3. Mr.Killian February 10, 2011 at 10:08 am #

    When are you home man? Beers are required this weekend

  4. Jesse Charger February 10, 2011 at 3:23 pm #

    You’re in Haiti?? Wow that’s daredevil crazy. Like hiking around the top of an active volcano.

    Nomad, I hope you don’t take too many risks so that we can keep enjoying your adventures for future years to come.

    • Naughty Nomad February 11, 2011 at 6:01 am #

      Me too man, me too.

  5. Atlas Al February 10, 2011 at 5:31 pm #

    Risks! Risks! Risks!

    Good one Naughty

  6. John February 10, 2011 at 6:53 pm #

    Awesome! You’ll have some stories to tell your grandchilldren…

    Now off to Somalia!!! don’t worry, you will survive. Luck of the Irish, ha.

  7. Lumiere February 10, 2011 at 7:50 pm #

    Country seems like an open sewer and you got gang mugged a few days after you arrived.

    Why do you go to these places? Death wish?

    • Naughty Nomad February 11, 2011 at 6:00 am #

      I want to go the EVERY country, so I guess nowhere’s a no-go for me.

  8. socialkenny(K-loc) February 11, 2011 at 9:42 pm #

    Lol,what a great story;risk & adventure.

  9. Rosenberg February 11, 2011 at 10:41 pm #

    BS! Haitians are black as soot because they massacred all the Europeans over 200 years ago. That’s one of the reasons their country is such a pisshole.

    The girl in the pic clearly has A LOT of European blood in her, meaning that she can’t possibly be Haitian, meaning that your entire sorry is full of sh*t.

    • Naughty Nomad February 12, 2011 at 12:44 am #

      You are incorrect, I have Haitian friends both black and white. Careful with your words.

  10. Willy Wonka February 12, 2011 at 5:52 pm #

    Sucks about getting mugged, but at least your night had a happy ending.

  11. nataliesecret February 13, 2011 at 6:41 pm #

    rosenberg, i don’t think you could have said anything more ignorant. not only are you historically incorrect, but also if you knew anything about haiti – you wouldn’t call the country a pisshole. haiti has a fascinating culture, beautiful people and some wonderful places to visit. the problems, street crime being one of them, are largely to do with foreign involvement.

    i’m glad you ended up having a good time in haiti naughty nomad, and witnessed the culture (and women) – but should probably make it clear for anyone wanting to visit that your experience of mugging probably could have been prevented – i know it’s not your style to be a cautious traveller but for the majority of visitors to haiti who take some basic precautions, they have hassle free stays.

    rant over, haiti is an incredible place!

    • Naughty Nomad February 13, 2011 at 7:07 pm #

      Agreed, Haiti is an amazing place and I’d encourage everyone to experience it. This “pisshole” has some of the finest beaches in the Caribe and is far more culturally vibrant than the majority of countries in the Western Hemisphere.

      Just don’t go walking around Port-au-Prince alone at night and you’ll be fine. As I said, I was looking for trouble…

  12. Johnn February 21, 2011 at 1:49 pm #

    Interesting story.

    Didn’t you try café des arts in Petionville?

    In the DR, it’s pretty safe to take moto cabs (motoconchos) in touristy areas.

    It does not seem like it in Haïti to me and there are no taxi cars in the streets of Port-au-Prince, just a few at the airport.

    Are there a lot of these moto-taxis around in Petionville at night?

    Isn’t it why you got mugged in the first place? you had to walk cause there were no taxis…?

    Another thing, when they tried to steal your shoes and you started to shout for help, you were extremely lucky nothing happened to you.

    Life is not much worth in Haïti…

    • Naughty Nomad February 21, 2011 at 5:13 pm #

      @johnn No, I didn’t check that Café. There are plenty of motos, just not outside the bar I was leaving at that particular time. Yes, I was lucky I escaped unharmed, but it’s worth noting they appeared unarmed.

      I don’t agree with you ‘typical African Trait” comment. Careful of such brash generalizations.

  13. Johnn February 21, 2011 at 1:54 pm #

    >>the problems, street crime being one of them, are largely to do with foreign involvement

    LOL of course, that’s what Haïtians always want to believe. Nothing is ever their responsibility.

    The whole Haitian politics for 200 years is based on blaming other for the problems: first the whites, then the mixed-race (with the “noiriste” party, now all the other countries around…

    Haiti is the first black republic in the world. That’s how they still define themselves. What the fuck does it mean? Isn’t it a bit racist by any chance? lol…

    Haitians will never take any responsibility for their own shit (typical African cultural trait)

  14. Johnn February 22, 2011 at 9:57 pm #

    @naugthy nomad
    >>I don’t agree with you ‘typical African Trait” comment. Careful of such brash generalizations.

    Well I understand what you mean. You think that it’s racist to do such a generalization. As for me I think the opposite is true:

    Nataliesecret for me is racist because she implies that whatever is bad in Haïti (even street violence) is due to foreign influence, a little bit like Haïtians (of African culture, as you say it yourself) were not responsible. Like they were in fact big irresponsible children. This is fucking racist.

    I lived many years in Africa and I love African culture but I hate it when Africans (or people of African culture) blame all their problems on others (usually whites). Their countries will never develop like that. Fortunately some wise Africans have understood this issue.

    Africa as a whole should take example on what happens in Arab countries right now… The population don’t blame foreign influence for their shit. They blame their own leaders and that’s a very good sign, whatever happens next (even if it gets worse at least the future leaders will be warned that people are no sheep)

    Haitians have to understand that their problems come mainly from themselves to start with… and that’s how they will start to improve their conditions

    • Naughty Nomad February 23, 2011 at 3:04 am #

      With regard politics, it would great to see inspiration taken from the North Africans. Like that fat idot Gbagbo in Cote D’iviore, that egotistical fucker is messing up my travel plans in April.
      Ivorians take note from Libya! Revolt!

  15. Brandon March 25, 2011 at 1:38 am #

    as a person of african descent i think it’s ridiculous the level of racist ignorance in these blog comments. what’s even more revolting are modern day comments from Whites yourself who could never begin to understand oppression and after years of imperialism and slavery, no longer want to take responsibility and even dare to be hostile at the subject. CRAZY times we live in.

    and this was directed at Johnn, btw.

  16. Naughty Nomad March 25, 2011 at 3:11 am #

    @ Brandon: “White yourselves”. I’m not defending John but you are also generalizing as he is. My ancestors suffered centuries of slavery and oppression and never colonized anywhere. Melanoma levels are irrelevant.

  17. Laurent June 3, 2011 at 6:10 am #

    Merci beaucoup Naughty Nomad, Im an Haitian-Labanese and I love it, pisshole or not, thank you very very much ay God Bless you

  18. Laurent June 3, 2011 at 6:14 am #

    if you people don’t like Haiti just don’t go there anymore, Haitians have to much to deal with, sorry for my english

  19. Jeff August 20, 2014 at 5:26 am #

    Naughty Nomad, I respect you a lot man, you are a cool head, the kind of people who doesn’t let every little thing get in his head, who have a lot of experience in life and understands what it is all about. You have a lot of gut as well going to all these countries by yourself brah.

    I find your story funny as f**ck, I am imagining how this could have happened to me too, may be I will try to replicate that when I go to Haiti, I haven’t been back for 8 years, left since I was teenager. Whenever I decide to go I will make I sure I check out the Jetset, maybe I will run into a fine Haitian gyal nightnursing me during my time there


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