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10 turn-offs for guys

Of course this list will be a little subjective but I think all guys can relate.

Girls, listen up. Here are 10 reasons why you can’t pull a decent guy.

Some of you may be offended, but these are honest. These are things you work on. Embrace, don’t hate.

1. You’re Fat

Yikes

When you step on the scales it reads “Seriously?” Guys won’t pick you up if  they can’t actually pick you up. Go easy on the pizza.

A decent booty and hips can be sexy, but cankles certainly aren’t.

Unless they’re Latina or Black, I like my women under 50 kilos.

Solution?

Hit the gym. Try eating a salad once and awhile. Move to Mauritania—they love ’em hippo sized over there.

2. You Can’t Cook

A chick who can’t cook is like a guy who can’t fuck.

I don’t care if you’re a beauty queen and have a masters, if you can’t cook you’re a FAILURE—not only as a woman, but as a human being.

I don’t want my kids eating processed muck.

Learn how to make a good home cooked meal.

Solution?

Youtube.

3. You have too much body hair

Ahh!

You’re a yeti. You’re vagina looks like Cousin It.

Women shouldn’t have significant body hair below their neck. This goes without saying. A well groomed landing strip is fine, but otherwise nada. Keep your muff in check. Sandpaper thighs, under arm hair, and wild bush are never sexy. It’s the 21st century; even men now groom their bodies.

Solution?

Wax. Laser. Shave .

4. You turn off the lights during sex

Most guys don’t mind if you’re a little shy or introverted, but when you’re so insecure about your body that you fear light – you have a problem. Men are visual creatures. Confidence is a turn on— even if you don’t rock a model’s body.

Last year in Seoul, one night I went home with a chick from Newfoundland who insisted the lights be turned off. I remember thinking: What was she hiding? Back acne? A cluster of hemorrhoids around her anus? Between that, a few pints, a condom, and no visible stimulation, I could barely keep a hard on.

The next night I went home with an American girl. She had a face like Jessica Alba, but was plump as hell.  That said, she DID keep the lights on and she was super-confident in the sack. Her confidence, above all else, was a massive turn on.

Solution?

Confidence counts. Compromise with candles.

5. You’re a Feminist

You walk like a man.

Traditional feminism promoted suffrage and equal pay. Nobody is  complaining. But equality in terms of behaviour is not cool. A lot of women in the West have spent so much time trying to emulate men, they have lost a lot of made them special in the first place. Ironically, modern feminists are the least feminine breed on the planet. Men like women to be women, not men.

Solution?

Grow your hair long, wear a dress and get in some high heels. If you want to get laid, keep your  opinions about gender to yourself.

6. You’re a slut

If you don’t value you sexuality, men won’t either. No guy wants a girl who passed around like a can of Pringles. I’m not one to shame women for enjoying sex, but the truth is that I personally wouldn’t consider a ‘serious’ relationship with any girl who has had more than 10 cocks inside her. The average women on the planet will have two sexual partners in their life-time—factoring in China, the Middle East, India and the like. Am I promoting double standards for men and women? No, because we’re different. Men of value (who are pre-selected) want women of value (sexual integrity). It is our nature. You can complain it’s not fair, but nobody is listening.

Solution?

Lie. If you like the guy, make him work for it and he’ll value you more.

7. You have no real friends

Women’s friendships are usually weaker than men’s. If you’re the type who ditches your mates as soon as you start dating a guy, you’re a sap. Men like women who have friends. They take you out, and give us free time to bang other women play. This makes us happy as we fulfill our genetic imperative. When we’re happy in the relationship we keep fucking you, and you get your regular dose of Alpha dick—your genetic imperative. But aside from my unconventional paradigm, friends are good for a balanced  life.

Solution?

Make time for your girls.

8. You have no interests

You’re boring. I’ve met rocks that were more entertaining.

The amount of women I meet that have zero interests is depressing. Fashion mags, reality shows and and youtube are NOT legitimate hobbies. Read an actual book once in a while. Take a interest in anything.  Have one thing you’re passionate about. Men only tolerate boring women long enough to deposit their seed—then they move on.

Solution?

Get a life.

9. You Smell

.

You have bad breath. You fart occasionally. When you take a dump, we want to dump you. Men should never smell a woman’s shit. It’s poison for sexual attraction. And bad breath can make the hottest woman in the world unkissable. Men don’t want to be reminded you are human.

Solution?

Always carry gum.

If you really need to fart or take a shit, drive half an hour to the nearest restroom. We don’t want to know about it.

10. You’re a Serial Queefer

.

Sex with you is like making love to a whoopee cushion.

I once went to bed with a girl in Moldova. She was sexy looking, but when I went down on her, her pussy started spitting back at me. I’d have let a few blips slide (it happens everyone), but while having sex, every thrust felt like I was plunging a toilet. It was just too much.

To make matters worse, she kept coughing to try and cover it up. Trying to bust a nut with some chick spluttering & queefing is futile.

Solution?

Marry a deaf bloke.

😉

Oh… and

11. Bad posture… stand up straight ladies!

12. An aversion to head… you will never sexually satisfy your man.

Guys, feel free to comment and add your biggest turn-offs…

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33 Responses to 10 turn-offs for guys

  1. Lee January 16, 2012 at 1:37 pm #

    Amusing, but true. Although I do find fanny farts [c**t trumps] sort of amusing. I would also add silly games to that list. E.g. when a woman says ‘I’ll come over, but I’m not having sex with you’. Give me a break, tootsie pie. All you do with games like that is force a decent man to relegate you to the ‘immature game player who must be humped and dumped’ list!

  2. El Minetero January 16, 2012 at 2:31 pm #

    Great post, but poor grammar. A little proof reading goes a long way.

    • Naughty Nomad January 16, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

      Thanks dude. I never proofread, I really got to in the future. I spotted over a dozen mistakes when I read it back.. yikes.

  3. Lee January 16, 2012 at 3:12 pm #

    Can I also just add boobs that differ in size [on the same girl] and girls who keep their socks on during sex. The last one seems sort of cute, but is also slightly scary in practice.
    Oh and girls who are arsey 24/7…it wasnt ME that didnt buy you that pony. im ranting now,but you get the idea.
    ps;hurry up with that book.

  4. Partizan January 16, 2012 at 4:50 pm #

    I once had a Bulgarian girlfriend who was sexy as hell but had underarm body hair and a hairy landing strip. Damn turn on 😀

  5. Anthony January 16, 2012 at 6:53 pm #

    I mostly agree and will not disagree. Though a Whoopie Cushion pus*y just means she’s turned on and flows like a river = Good Thing.

    Doesn’t happen often enough because to be flat honest morons mistake that for some physical problem with a woman. Calm down its natural.

    Where I draw the line with women is sex partners because some people’s confidence is tender.

    The top two things that turn off White Men when it comes to asking about sex partners of a woman –

    1) Many Partners

    2) Black Partners

    Most women are going to tell you what you wanna hear or challenge you by telling you exacting what you don’t want to know.

  6. Anthony January 16, 2012 at 6:54 pm #

    BTW I’m not White, so her partners being Black isn’t an issue but I does bother some non-Black Men…

  7. Sid January 17, 2012 at 7:58 am #

    Facial hair.

    Swearing habitually.

    Angry/bitchy on a daily basis.

    Being Ms. TMI about what you do in the bedroom. Caveat: hinting and playing coy about what you do can be very sexy, but talking about how you squirt and could do DP with just your vagina…

    Being Ms. TMI about your vagina in general. I didn’t sign up for the Vagina Monologues, and I’m not interested in your medical history.

    Acting like you know everything, when you don’t know anything.

    Talking about your sex life in public, Sex and the City style. How your boyfriend doesn’t eat you out enough, how you can’t connect emotionally in bed with him at times, telling your grrlfriend to slut it up.

    Slutting it up, while telling your beta male friends to be chivalrous, that sex isn’t that important, that relationships must come before sex, and it’s never okay to go for what you want if the girl doesn’t want to first….

  8. Bradford January 17, 2012 at 10:24 am #

    Awesome list bro! I hope every guy reads this and takes note! The reason Im so ecstatic is that I grew up reading Playboy in the 70’s – ever seen the VERY ample curves and bush on those hotties? I had game before it was called that and I’ve seen the evolution in “acceptable” body hair and body types change. So in one fell swoop you’ve turned my newbie competition into judgmental assholes. Makes me look even better – seriously. Don’t get me wrong – you’re spot on about women lacking interests and refinement and no man of quality should accept that but women have enough stupid complexes without us reinforcing them – and making them worse! I’ve stopped counting the amount of women I’ve slept with – fine sexy women – that have been damaged by unrealistic lists and the idiots (both men and women) that follow them. Keep going bro! The more warped that list becomes – mixing the good and the bad – the more ass I’ll be getting!

  9. Chemical O January 17, 2012 at 4:10 pm #

    Plump and confident…not a turn on. If she’s plump i want the lights out. 10 cocks? Anything above 5 is a turn off. And i draw the line at one night stands, but that’s me. Good list though.

  10. Aaron January 17, 2012 at 4:19 pm #

    What’s always made dating hardest for me is the point that most women have no interests. It’s one of my biggest complaints about women as humans – they’re fucking boring; men look at the stars, women at the mirror, and all that. I simply have nothing to talk about with them. You can do the pickup-artist socially-savvy converse-with-anybody thing during courtship, but in a relationship she needs to be kind of interesting.

    • Chica January 31, 2015 at 11:44 am #

      You just dated wrong girls. 😀

    • cereal killer April 16, 2015 at 5:22 pm #

      yeah Aaron, point 8 is the real issue. even on the internet profile, facebook or dating site at least 90% profile and pictures are copy/paste. Situations when we met some real interesting babe are so rare. We can stay few hours in bad if she look good and after that just move on. To stay to much time with someone who can be known completely in max 3 days is just too much.

  11. Darren January 17, 2012 at 4:59 pm #

    Fanny farts arnt really a turn off and theres fuck all a chick can do about it unless she forced herself to try and not be turned on, the girl iv fucked who had the noisiest vag was also the easiest to make cum.

    Also if i fuck a black chick thats been with mainly black guys i just see that as a victory for me. However if i was to fuck a chick whos vag was really loose around my cock and complained that my cock didnt satisfy her, now that would get to me, has never happened to me before, but if it did id just go caveman and fuck her in the ass which would make me feel like a man again.

    Honestly the thing that pisses me off more than anything else that i dont think you mentioned nomad, is a chick that just isnt that sexual, sees any attempts at experimenting sexually as weird and the idea of anal sex is the worst thing a man could want and if a guy want to fuck a chick in the ass then that must mean hes gay. I call these chicks sexual retards.

    Iv never been with a chick this bad, but my friend dated a girl who i will point out was pretty hot but seriously once you knew her as a person, it was like her personality deducted 3 points.

    She used to make him wear condoms for blowjobs. Fuck that. Thats just offensive.

  12. Jenna January 18, 2012 at 10:28 pm #

    Having no or few interests translates to having no passion. Having no passion in life is having no passion in the sack.

    The posture thing is hardly ever addressed. It’s a seriously underrated thing. Goes for men and women.

    Chicks really can’t help the fact that they have different-shaped or small boobs (save for plastic surgery) and I always bitch about the fact that by working out and taking care of myself, I can improve nearly any part of my body … except my boobs.

    Great list, great blog.

  13. sami tone January 19, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

    Tattoos and smoking are major turn-offs for me.

    I do not like multiple piercings, either.

    Asian girls who dye or curl their hair look awful.

  14. Neil Skywalker January 25, 2012 at 6:32 pm #

    I really don’t like cock teasers. They walk, talk, and dress like a slut but are impossible to lay.

    And one time i’ve been with a girl who said that her condoms didn’t fit her last boyfriend. I was putting one on my dick at that moment. Instant softie.

  15. Ben February 8, 2012 at 9:43 pm #

    Haha,great post! However you implied that Chinese women don’t have many partners….mate you’ve obviously never been to China! I was teaching there for 3 months ( Shandong Province ) and the girls are fucking up for it all the time. Most of our students were very promiscuous with local guys and especially with us Laowei whom they find intriguing. Lost count of my lays over there. Only thing is that apart from a small minority they are not the best looking and they speak hardly any intelligible form of English but since they have their mouth full most of the time with cock it hardly matters. They can all cook a blinding post sex stir fry too.

  16. Sarah February 13, 2012 at 11:51 am #

    Hilarious post!
    It did make me wonder though if you go around weighing the girls you root…
    But good job besides 🙂

  17. AOW June 23, 2012 at 2:30 pm #

    Girls who don’t swallow. Swallowing should be as easy as drinking water and not a special occasion. No matter how great the girl or good the sex, if she doesn’t swallow it’ll just never be complete.

  18. muzzy October 31, 2012 at 7:31 pm #

    im nearly hairy as roosh and ive met a couple indian girls an 1 persian girl about as hairy as me…give or take

    nobody wants a slut……agreed more than 10 cocks is just too much..those hoes u pump an dump

    weird though that girls want guys with experiance even some virgin ones

  19. mcfondal November 6, 2012 at 1:38 am #

    instead of lying the girl about the number of partners .she should be honest so the guy can sleep around more to match her

  20. Komodo April 22, 2013 at 11:55 pm #

    The 12th !! Thank God you did add the 12th !!

  21. Her Wanderin' Feet June 13, 2013 at 2:35 am #

    “You Smell

    .

    You have bad breath. You fart occasionally. When you take a dump, we want to dump you. Men should never smell a women’s shit. It’s poison for sexual attraction. And bad breath can make the hottest woman in the world unkissable. Men don’t want to be reminded you are human.”

    Same from our side. However I’ll sometimes let farts slide if they are not on purpose to annoy me. Holding in farts is not good for health and once in a relationship there’s no need to, though leaving the room to do it is appreciated.

    When pooping he should be sure to spray the air freshener BEFORE pooping as that is more effective than after. Once before, once during and once after should take care of it.

    But watch this keepin’ it real funny video by Alexis K. Tyler of Vagina Power. What do you think of her advice?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2upWqHMrDOU

  22. prince June 15, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

    i love fat

  23. Anthony - Man Vs Clock September 14, 2013 at 6:55 pm #

    I respect you so much for saying what every man thinks on a regular basis. I consider myself honest and direct, but you Sir – you’re a different mould. Funny shit too! 🙂

  24. Jose G May 9, 2014 at 8:04 pm #

    “You fart occasionally. When you take a dump, we want to dump you. Men should never smell a women’s shit.”

    What planet do you live on? There is more than inflatable women out there, just FYI.

  25. laura October 20, 2014 at 11:56 pm #

    You guys are horrible! I feel so sorry for your girlfriends.

  26. Crystal January 18, 2015 at 6:59 am #

    Proven fact: NONE of these are turn-offs for EVERY man; therefore, you are wrong. Especially not about pooping, or anything involving the body. My man LOVES all that stuff. He hates when I waste it on the toilet when he’s a more-than-willing recipient.

  27. Starlily March 28, 2015 at 9:10 pm #

    I think this belongs on this post.

    Dear Mark,

    First, I have read some of your blogpost and I do not agree with everything. I think some of the stuff you write is sexist, but with that being said..I am not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater and anyway I like you better than some of other PUAs in the “manosphere.” I did like your piece on why racism in America won’t go away.

    You seem like a man who likes women and appreciates a woman’s body. I am 26 year old, African-American female and I am a virgin. As a girl, boys never liked me because I was chubby. I went by myself to my senior prom because I knew that no one would want to go with an overweight girl. I grew up in a mostly white environment and because I was different, I always felt like I wasn’t attractive, so I didn’t bother to take care of myself. When I got out of High school and went to college, the first two years were pretty much the same as high school, but my junior year I joined a weight loss program and lost 50 pounds by eating healthy foods and the right portion sizes and walking. Once I lost the weight, everything got smaller, but I still kept my general shape. I’ve always had a naturally rounder behind, which has contributed to my insecurity for most of my life. After I lost the weight, I was disappointed that i still had the same behind shape, but something unexpected happened. I began getting attention from men that I’d never experienced before. Men told me i was beautiful and told me that I had a “beautiful body.” My friend told me that it was because I had an “hour glass,” shape. I thought that things were looking up for me finally, but it turns out all these men wanted was sex.

    The first time after I lost weight, my friend treated me to a shopping trip and I went into a bar for the first time (i don’t like bars) to celebrate and a man (white guy) told me that he “had a booty fetish,” and proceeded to vulgarly tell me all of the sexual things that he wanted to do with me. Granted, he was drinking, but still very rude. One man made a comment that he wanted me to “sit on his face.” I didn’t understand what this meant at the time, so I assumed he was making fun of me, so I told him that it was rude for him to make a joke like that and I told him off.

    I wanted a man to sweep me off of my feet, not throw me into the sheets.

    Then some guys seem to completely ignore me altogether, they’d look, but that is all they’d do. I recall one day at the train station when I was sitting with my book and this good looking guy, about 6 feet, green eyes walks by and as he walks by, he stops briefly and stares at me…we locked eyes. He continues to stare at me with his eyes wide for about 10-15 seconds. We were looking dead into each other’s eyes and I don’t want to assume, but I felt like he might have thought I was pretty the way he was staring at me. I thought maybe he’d approach me, but instead, he dropped his head, smoothed his hair and continued walking. I was disappointed.

    I recall another incident that occurred one day at work. I was sitting on a bench, waiting for my mother to pick me up and this guy (African-American guy) drives past me and he slows down very very slowly. He was clearly looking at me, no question from his car…he stared for a long time as he slowly drove by. I thought to myself “wow, i’m flattered.” When my mom came 15 minutes later to pick me up, the first thing she told me was that my cleavage was showing through my shirt. Turns out my top button had come undone…that is why he was staring. I don’t believe in showing cleavage, and i felt offended that the only reason he was looking at me was because my blouse had come open.

    Needless to say, I became depressed that even after losing all this weight, men only seem to want me for sex or they just stare and nothing else…I am waiting until marriage, so sex is not an option and it seems like no men want to wait. I went from being completely ignored to being given attention, but only in a sexual sense. I hate to say it, but I think it is because I am African-American and I am seen as only good for sex (if that) and never seen as worthy of a committed relationship, let alone marriage. I’ll admit i enjoyed some of the attention from the men that i got for a short while, but after that it just became depressing.

    I try to be nice to people, but I am becoming less and less optimistic.

    I have since gained 40 pounds back (and gone back to my old invisible self) because I feel like no matter what I do, I am not valued.

    The men in the PUA/ manosphere are some of the worst…although Mark you’re on the nicer side compared to others…

    Men don’t realize how their words/actions can be hurtful to women in a world where above everything else, looks are said to be all that matters…and I am sick of it

    Why are men so cruel and superficial?

    • Sara June 26, 2015 at 1:40 am #

      My sentiment exactly! I can relate to most of what you’ve said. Some men can be insensitive pigs. The dating world as an African American women seems to be horrible on my end too. It’s actually what sealed the deal on my decision on becoming a nursing major. I want to be able to support myself. I’ll probably be alone for a while, but…I think I’m okay with that. For now, I have school. I have hobbies (rock climbing/gym, crocheting, painting, etc), friends–I’ll be fine. I’m sure you will be as well 🙂

  28. Pezza January 12, 2017 at 1:49 am #

    I agree with most of your list . Believe it or not the “can’t cook” one is a huge turn off (intermediate is fine) and I want to add one and that is “dirty and/or untidy home or car”.
    Also a girl who only watches reality TV(The Bachelor etc) and never reads a book like you say, this screams dumb as dog shit!!!!

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