The Blowjob Bandits of Hanoi

Hanoi is memorable for its hostile faces, high end nightclubs and its 1.5 million motorcycles. Our experience there involved attempted murder, oral sex and robbery – we really knew how to party.

We checked into a little place on one of Hanoi’s many cosy streets. The area bustled with street hawkers and market stalls selling fruit and children’s toys. It was a long journey and we needed a beer. We were not on the street five minutes when we were approached by two Vietnamese chicks. There eagerness was off-putting and we managed to dismiss them off before entering a rooftop bar nearby. After a few cheeky pints watching the world cup, I was in the mood for a little something. “I’m going back to the room to smoke a splif” I announced. Paddy was clued in the TV and requested I return with his phone.

A few hours later around midnight, I wake up. The smoke had knocked me out. I grabbed Paddy’s phone and left the building to try and find him. The street which had been so active earlier was totally deserted. Shuttered and silenced, I had just stepped out to a ghost town. I start to walk to the local strip but was met by two familiar characters. “Hey, you remember me?” said one of two.  They took my hand and began groping me. “O you so handsome, where do you live?” they playfully suggested. “You so big, we give you free blow job!” they insisted. With all the attention I was getting in South East Asia, I was beginning to think they would be honoured to have my relatively larger Caucasian cock in their mouth. I showed token resistance but I didn’t put up much of a fight. They dragged me to the nearest laneway. It all seemed too good to be true, but I thought “Fuck it! Whatever…” They pinned me to the wall and went straight for my belt, ripped down my shorts and start exploring me with sloppy enthusiasm. It was awesome! A sight you could appreciate; two Asian girls cooperating in orally lavishing your cock and enjoying it too. They took my hands and directed me to grab both their hair, I obliged – they became the reigns to my servants. They worked hard. In the middle of wondering whether I had died and went to heaven, one of them popped up. “I go get condom!” she said, leaving her partner to continue the pleasure. I wasn’t keen on the idea of fucking girls who give blow jobs to strangers in laneways, but before I time to make an excuse the remaining girl halted. “Wait here, I look my friend” and with that, she scampered off! I was left there half naked in the laneway. This was fucked up. Naturally, I didn’t feel like hanging round so I pulled my pants up and tried to escape. I got to the main street just in time to see the two girls speed off on a moto… it was all rather confusing. What had just happened?

Within 30 seconds, I noticed Paddy walking towards me in the distance; it was nice timing. To my surprise he starts talking about the very same duo; “Hey man, you know those two girls from earlier?” My response alerted him “YEA-AH, they both just sucked me off down that laneway!” He started laughing, “O shit, one of them tried to pickpocket me during a moto ride! haha! Did they take anything?” It suddenly became abundantly clear what had just happened. After searching my pockets, I was the only one laughing.  They had robbed me of a measly amount of pocket change and made off with Paddy’s phone!

It was the best mugging ever!

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18 Responses to The Blowjob Bandits of Hanoi

  1. Honeypot Muggings June 6, 2010 at 8:19 pm #

    I had a similar experience in the Dominican Republic many years ago. I was sitting at the beach, enjoying the sunset when a hot dark girl came along, smiled and sat down next to me. We chatted a bit, then she took me to some abandoned place with chairs and tables. We were alone and it was already dark. She sat on my lap and we started to make out. She even let me finger her pussy. I really enjoyed it. We finally parted and when I walked home I wanted a beer. When I took out my wallet, there was no money inside anymore. No big damage, just 10 $… but she must have been a really skilled pickpocket, getting my wallet out of my pants, grabbing the money and putting the wallet back into my pants while at the same time kissing me. Interesting.

    “If something seems too good to be true… it usually is.”

    • naughtynomad June 10, 2010 at 3:24 am #

      Hey, it’s the best way to get robbed!

    • Cicada July 8, 2014 at 4:46 pm #

      My god, we men are dumb sometimes, right? Same story with me, to save you the preamble, it was in Havana, a very dark bedroom, a well-endowed black girl smothering me with her tits and an accomplice. Could barely bring myself to be angry once I’d worked out what had happened – I know it was like taking candy from a baby, except the baby would have worked out he was being robbed much sooner than the average punter!

  2. Auckland Pickup October 12, 2010 at 2:35 am #

    lol, I’ve got a mate who had the exact same thing happen to him but in NEW ZEALAND! (except sadly only one girl… not two! You lucky bugger)

  3. Fred Tracy | Personal Development April 20, 2011 at 9:21 pm #

    That is HILARIOUS. Best mugging ever.

  4. D-Lux May 1, 2011 at 10:06 am #

    ya its a very common way for asian girls to scam from foreigners, i had same thing happen a few times in Vietnam and Thailand when on holidays. I went on to live in Nha Trang for 1yr and many times girls will pretend they are dirty dancing with you at the Sailing Club ocean side bar while they are stealin from your pockets. It even happened in the streets late at nite when walking home from the bars all drunk. 3 or 4 will roll up on scooters and basically attack you while askin if you like sex all pretending to be rubbin up and down on you while pick pocketing. It happened so frequently that i finally got smart and had a secret pocket with velcro sewn into my pants! hahaha

  5. Cocheima May 4, 2011 at 4:25 pm #

    Nice blog in general.
    Same story happened to me in Barcelona, Spain around 4 in the morning. This time African girls. They gave me a partial BJ and took about 15 Euros. The things you do when you’re drunk

  6. ChinaBoy June 26, 2011 at 9:14 pm #

    Funny.

    Never though that those things happen.

    BTW: awesome blog.

    ChinaBoy

  7. Brian Mark November 30, 2011 at 3:10 am #

    Be very careful because many of those beautiful street girls are LADYBOYS. Usually the prettiest girls in SE Asia are. In SE Asia if they are taller, super hot, and more sharper features, they are usually ladyboys! In the Manila the they hang out at the malls and when you leave ask you if you want a massage. They are very persistent. This beautiful one wouldn’t quit following me, so I had to go back in the mall and sneak out another door!

  8. Jro February 3, 2012 at 10:54 am #

    I’m in Hanoi right now. I wish that I’d get mugged like that. Would they not make more money though, just charging you for a blowjob?

    • Cicada July 8, 2014 at 4:48 pm #

      My god, we men are dumb sometimes, right? Same story with me, to save you the preamble, it was in Havana, a very dark bedroom, a well-endowed black girl smothering me with her tits and an accomplice. Could barely bring myself to be angry once I’d worked out what had happened – I know it was like taking candy from a baby, except the baby would have worked out he was being robbed much sooner than the average punter!

  9. MRDA June 13, 2012 at 12:37 am #

    I guess the moral of the story is: when in Hanoi, walk the streets with an empty wallet….or two.

  10. boywzz April 24, 2013 at 11:12 pm #

    this stories are funny.
    by the way… I off to Ho chi minh city next month, any tips, pointers, suggestions you guyz wanna throw up… appreciate it

  11. DownunderDave October 28, 2013 at 1:20 pm #

    This exact same thing happened to me in nha trang!!! Best robbery I have had

  12. Son November 26, 2013 at 12:48 pm #

    fuck i hate hanoi

  13. Pete March 20, 2014 at 4:23 pm #

    What about the machete?

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Hanoi City Guide « Naughty Nomad - August 17, 2010

    [...] This story is definitely for another blog. It involved a machete and a Double BJ!. [...]

  2. Accra City Guide (Ghana) | Naughty Nomad - August 3, 2011

    [...] night in Accra, but you will have to wait for that one… It’s a story similar to the Blowjob Bandits of Hanoi, but this time I came out on top (well, kinda). All in all we found the nightlife kinda crappy. We [...]

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