How to Slay a Vampire ;)

DO NOT READ: if you are one of those politically correct wankers or have a vagina… or fangs.  This author is not Anti-Vampire or culturally insensitive, but he does  rock.  He also enjoys spicy food, and has a thing for alternative chicks.  Now…

What if I told Vampires were REAL?

Would you believe me?

I’n not talking about little goth kids who cut themselves and

I’m not talking about fairytale beasts. I’m talking about REAL vampires.

What if I told you there were creatures of the night who

  • File teeth/ get implants in order to possess Fangs.
  • Leave bite marks & drink blood.
  • Perform sensual satanic rituals.
  • Dress in erotic Gothic attire to seduce you.

But blood isn’t what they’re after. These vampires thrive on sex for their survival. Sex is used by these wicked temptresses as validation to make up for the love Daddy didn’t give them.

And guess what? – You could be that validation!

Real vampires are originally Slavic not Romanian (deriving from the serbian word vampir) and find their origins in the depths of Eastern Europe and parts of the Balkans.  Ideally they have pale complexions, slim bodies and hypnotic eyes. Many vampires are bi-sexual.

WARNING: Real Vampires are EXTREMELY SEXY!

Female vampires are a rare and kinky breed. Few men have slain one.

Of course by slay I mean had sex with.  And by kinky I mean HOLY SHIT!

My slayer story is for another post, but I hope this guide will help you get your own damp vamp!

Good Luck!

CAUTION:  Hunting vampires is only for the most dedicated and daring.

The Hunting Ground

You need to actually GO to Eastern Europe or the Balkans.  The best hunting ground is in Ukraine, home to the most beautiful women in Europe. Russian visas are a pain and Transylvanian vampires are usually wrote-off Romanian wannabes. Because there are a RIDICLOUS amount of stunning women in Ukraine, many girls turn vamp to give themselves an edge.

Vital Preparations

Vampires are rarely seen. Get online and message some vampires to arrange dates before you go over.  Browse the social networking sites. Ukrainian/Moldavian/Belorussian girls  are more than happy to go out with a western guy. Vampires are no different. Trust me, I’ve met girls from all these countries.  Learning a few words of Russian will increase you chances of success by 300%.

Slay your Vampire

Generally in  Slavic nations, the man ALWAYS pays for drinks. Some, more worldly Slavs understand you’re a westerner and will offer to split the bill but bear in mind it is NOT common in these countries. Vampire exude sexuality and can at first seem intimidating. Play it cool, and after a few drinks  they will be biting you, sucking your neck and sticking their tongue in your ear.  It time for the slay. Take them home for the most kinky, beastly night of your life.

;)

I hope you’ve had fun with this guide . Feel free to rate this article and leave comments!

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14 Responses to How to Slay a Vampire ;)

  1. mrkillian April 22, 2010 at 3:53 pm #

    nice

  2. Brazilianguy August 12, 2010 at 1:58 pm #

    Hi!

    I´ll be visiting eastern europe next year!

    In which ukrainian city should I hunt for vampires?

    What social networking sites do you recommend?

    Should I use direct game?

    PS: I´m Brazilian but my whole family is Italian, so I have Italian looks. Does that help?

    By the way, your blog is awesome. I´m itching to ask you tons of questions.

    • naughtynomad August 13, 2010 at 12:37 pm #

      Hey Brazilianguy, I’m glad you like the blog.
      Kiev & Kharkiv are your best bet. I have dark features myself and got a lot of attention in Ukraine. Once you go to this country it’s hard to find a place better for women. Direct game is definitely not a good idea. You need to build up a lot of comfort before a k-close in Eastern Europe. That said, Vamps are kinky as hell and one night stands are common; I know from experience. If I were you, I’d use tagged, myspace & love.mail.ru (very good) to contact girls. Just explain your travelling and would like to meet a local girl for a few drinks. I strongly recommend downloading pimsleur Russian and picking up a few words before you go. I’d play the Brazilian card aswell BTW! The vampire scene is pretty underground, but there is special arranged nights where they meet. Use google translate and search the Russian equivalent to keywords like : Vampire, Gothic , Kiev, party. That kind of thing. I hope you have fun ;) Ukraine is the SHIT!

  3. maged September 8, 2011 at 3:55 am #

    hello, how are you sir ? I really enjoy your articles about balcan countries , well there are so many entersting things to do it there …I am planning to go there in( Ukraine and belaruse ) next year I had read alot about ladies in these countries in fact they are so beautiful ladies , but I wanna know what is the best time in year is good to be there I mean good enough to get better chance to hook up with ladies ??? is it in witer time or summer time …..when? cause some people said in march -may is good in kiev because many college girls in the city b4 they go to their villages ….when they have holiday from schools….please let me know based on your experience…thank you

    • Naughty Nomad September 8, 2011 at 7:38 pm #

      I was there in Feb and had a great time… bloodly cold though!

  4. Ben_Brighton September 8, 2011 at 7:50 pm #

    Your site is incredible! Can’t believe you’ve been to all those places you talk about,absolute legend!!! I must agree with your opinion on Ukrainian women,imho the hottest in the world. I’ve been all over the former CCCP,learnt Russian in the process but always remember Kiev with extreme fondness. Check out Kyrgyzstan if you want some naughty adventures,go to the Golden Bull nightclub for a great night out,trust me! Belarus is a great hidden gem but i found the girls a little stand offish,much more so then in Russia or Ukraine. Gomel was a great town with loads of hot students promenading along the river bank in the summer evenings,great times! I’m now looking to buy an apartment in Budapest so that I can spend six months a year over there exploring the off the beaten track places….Oops,I’ve rambled on about my own trips when i just wanted to say how utterly brilliant your blog is,genuinely brilliant! Keep up the good work fella!
    Stay safe.

  5. dave September 18, 2011 at 3:49 pm #

    hello…may i ask, how on earth do you manage to afford the lifestyle you have, of constantly travelling? How old are you if you dont mind me asking? Will you ever ‘settle down’?
    just curious! Dave

    • Naughty Nomad September 18, 2011 at 4:49 pm #

      Hey dave, I’m just turning 25. It’s not expensive to travel.
      I might settle down if I found the right person, but have no intention of doing so until my late 30’s.

  6. dave September 25, 2011 at 1:57 am #

    what are your plans next year? I need to get out and have some fun next year, Im just trying to decide where to go…decisions…

    • Naughty Nomad September 25, 2011 at 10:22 am #

      I’m finishing my Masters then hitting Latin America

  7. Tren October 1, 2011 at 11:26 am #

    Hey, if you’re going to trip to South America, best places to go are those ones who are supposed to be for people with money. If your currency is the dollar, your wealth won’t suffer. Exist people with different traits and backgrounds, white, mestizo, black, indigenous, Asian. So, just act like a local and not as a tourist that will be better, to do not have problems with undesirable persons, you know.

    BTW, my bother was in Europe for 1 year and yes, it’s not so expensive to travel, especially in that continent, he only got 1000 euros per month thanks to his scholarship and he traveled to many European countries from Portugal till Italy and even went to North Africa Countries, like Egypt and can buy many things too.

  8. fogal November 2, 2012 at 2:25 am #

    bang a vampire…the ultimate flag

  9. maged March 10, 2014 at 10:22 pm #

    hi there , how are you ? it’s good idea to such experience to slay a vampire ladies, but I would like to know which Bar’s or places they meet , I meant in both cities ( Kiev , Minsk)…Ukraine , Belarus ….if you can name some locations that would be more helpful

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Year in Review 2010 | Naughty Nomad - December 26, 2011

    [...] I then cruised down to Kiev and fell for the city instantly. The girls  blew me away! The city was the second city ever (Riga being the other) to be awarded 5/5 in terms of girl quality. I was privileged to capture the flag, and in the process slay a vampire. [...]

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