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Forget Your Ideal Woman

A few years ago, I made a list. It was comprehensive and contained the most desirable attributes for the future mother of my children. Her was my list of ideals (in order of priority):

  • She must be exceptionally beautiful. I’m talking love-at-first-sight-could-be-a-celebrity hot.
  • She must be fluent in one major language aside from English, but preferably two, so my children will be multilingual. Languages that qualified include: Spanish, Russian, Arabic, Mandarin, or French.
  • She must non-religious, preferably an atheist or agnostic.
  • She should be affectionate and a creative-type.
  • She should look vaguely like Princess Jasmine from Aladdin. (Damn your influence, Disney!).
  • She should be educated, traveled, and financial independent.
Oh, and a cartoon-like hip to wait ratio if possible...

Oh, and a cartoon-like hip to wait ratio if possible…

That was my list. So I figured all I had to do was find a drop dead gorgeous, liberal English-speaking French Arab singer.

And guess what? I found her.

She was a famous Lebanese pop star I met my second day in Beirut. She was stunningly beautiful and literally ticked every box on my list. (Oh, except she spoke four languages, not three!)

We had an intense world-wind romance and fell hard for each other. After only one week together, she dropped the L bomb and told me she loved me. “I’ll wait for you,” she told me. “I know you want to travel the world and be with other girls. When your finished, I’ll be here and we can raise a family together.”

It was a dream come true.

BUT (there’s always a but) as the old saying goes, be careful what you wish for. On paper, she was everything I could want in a women, but like everybody, the girl had her flaws. Some of you know may know who I’m talking about, so I won’t give details. Sadly, it was something in her past I couldn’t overlook or remedy. Furthermore, her fame has skyrocketed since we last met,  so her lifestyle isn’t exactly conducive for a stable relationship. The important thing to note was, at the end of the day, these things made the girl a bad mate choice. My gut instinct turned me away. And I trust my gut over my heart. We still keep in contact, but she’s nowhere near no.1 on my list of potentials.

Lesson Learned

Since that experience, I’ve been far more open to the kind of babymama I might choose.

She might be White, African or Asian.

She might be an actress or a quantum physicist.

She might be a devout Muslim and wear a hijab.

She might speak Portuguese instead of Spanish.

Hell, she might even be a local lassie from my little village in Ireland. *Shudder*

The point is, you can as logical as possible about your mate choice, but when it comes to love, you need to FEEL it. At the same time, you also need to beware of the power of your emotional brain when it comes to your decision making. Love is blind. (Sometimes you fall for a jealous ex-murderer, for example).

The key is to let your heart be open, but still keep your head. 

Now, my criteria is very simple. My future babymama should be:

  • Beautiful and slim. (Although she gets a pass for the six months after child birth).
  • A nice, loving person.
  • Not a slut.

The rest I’ll figure out with my gut, my heart, and my dick.

What’s on your list?

Have you ever found anybody who ticked all your boxes? Did it work out?

18 Responses to Forget Your Ideal Woman

  1. Professor Highbrow February 1, 2014 at 2:58 pm #

    “The point is, you can as logical as possible about your mate choice”

    I’m going to be totally forward here and say your initial ‘list’ was the opposite of logical. Reading it, I thought to myself ‘I could be reading any given woman’s list of qualities’.

    Having said that, I liked the rest of your post, where you came to your senses and decided to join the rest of us in the real world. There is no such thing as the perfect anything.

    Whilst it is important to maintain a certain standard, it is also important to live in the real world, where real people live and know that the perfect mate exists only in our imaginations.

  2. Axel Coon February 1, 2014 at 4:54 pm #

    you decided to settle down?

  3. splooge February 1, 2014 at 7:46 pm #

    since youre not willing to name the pop star, what made you wanna walk away?dare you still keeping in contact with her,maybe meet her again later?what happened to that omani girl?

    for me i want a sexy girl whose nurtering and affectionate with no sexual milage. id be open to any group but perfer eurpean asian or latin.
    religion wont be a big deal as long shes willing to support mine and pass on to the kids.

    while youre dating around keep contact with these women. otherwise it may be too late. they have the biological clock to worry about.
    youre 26 you want to still have the energy to chase around your kids.

    • Naughty Nomad February 1, 2014 at 8:09 pm #

      @Splooge: The Omani girl is still in Oman. I keep in contact with both girls. I didn’t ‘walk away’ per se. The relationship never officially ended. I still care about the girl and will probably see her again. She just won’t be my first choice for child rearing.
      @Axel: Not for another couple of years.

      • Ali S February 5, 2014 at 11:01 pm #

        I’m a sucker for the Lebanese / tanned Arab look as well.. very few guys get the chance to have a smoking hot Lebanese pop star tell them she’d wait for you travel the world and fuck other women and then come back to have kids with her.

        I don’t mean to intrude, but it had to be something really important to make you rethink – she had relationship baggage?

  4. Eric February 1, 2014 at 8:50 pm #

    Lebanese… was she circumcised?

    • Naughty Nomad February 1, 2014 at 10:42 pm #

      Nope. She was brought up non-religious.

      • splooge February 2, 2014 at 11:18 pm #

        oh she must be from the christian community then.
        its only eqyptians and sub saharan africans (muslim and christian) that do this practice. Apparently since their pharoh days.

  5. Casey February 2, 2014 at 6:54 pm #

    Your posts are making the decision to just skip college, jump on the plane, and sit in an opium den in Laos so much easier for me to make. You seem to be living the life. Dating Lebanese pop stars sounds a lot better than a getting a useless international buisness degree. Good luck to you man.

  6. Feri Naf February 2, 2014 at 11:53 pm #

    The list:
    – she is good looking enough
    – she’s not a manipulative bitch
    – she doesn’t get on my nerves if we don’t leave the flat on a rainy weekend
    – she can trust me and i can trust her

    When you are done fucking really hot women and decide to settle down, this is what it boils down to.

  7. gj February 3, 2014 at 1:21 pm #

    She must be nice. I have learned that the hard way. If she is not nice, then forget her (or him) as a long-term partner.

  8. Sten February 3, 2014 at 4:22 pm #

    I would quite like a girl with super powers. Not like squirting beer from her tits, but something like flying or strength. Or one who would at least look hot in a super hero suit. maybe also the beer tits.

  9. Jake February 7, 2014 at 11:55 am #

    Man, the original version of the list was for Mick Jagger, not for you. No offense meant, just be realistic. You have to have something beyond your coolness to keep a woman like that, as she’d be in demand from every side daily and what really do you have to compete against people like Jagger or Branson?

    I mean, you can win that by your charms alone, but you cannot keep it. It’s kinda buying a Ferrari on a 100K income: yes, you can buy, but you cannot hold.

  10. Rick March 24, 2014 at 2:44 am #

    Let’s see… “…everything I could want in a women [sic]..,? You say you want to marry a woman who’s “not a slut”? And here’s the enigmatic Splooge: “…nurtering [sic] with no sexual milage [sic]…” A bit like these knobs whose culture says that they can sleep around but their brides have to be virgins! (Won’t go into child brides, paedophilia, etc here though.)
    Hell, I slept around the world for years but I was never so arrogant and intolerant as to expect something different in a partner when the time came to choose. It’s time for the caveman to evolve. You’re a clever bloke and you will, at some time, grow up… Your “ideal” is what those of us with a brain (and who can spell) call a Double Standard. “Genetic imperative”, my ass. You’ll find out that unequal, unbalanced relationships don’t function without forgiveness and a lot of work. Simmering resentment will blow up in your face.
    The only one of your job requirements worth two bits is the second one.
    Reality check: it’s not all your natural masculinity that’s getting you laid everywhere, it’s mostly your white western money; there’s nothing wrong with sex tourism if you remember that and don’t abuse the privilege.

    • Ela March 10, 2020 at 12:36 am #

      Auch, that serve hurt.

  11. ally September 27, 2014 at 8:31 pm #

    Nice story bro. And I picked up Jessica Alba last year and she fell totally in love with me.

    C’mon, honestly. Who r u to be the man for a famous pop star.

    You can be the most interesing guy in the world. Yet, there are things like social status….

    This story about the romance how it ended.It sounds pretty much like an excuse that you could not hold her.

    • ally September 27, 2014 at 8:34 pm #

      .. also, that you lowered your criterias (u call it “broadened”) afer that experience, makes things pretty clear to me..

      u can impress some 17 years with that story, man 😉 no offense

  12. Mike December 29, 2014 at 10:12 pm #

    Did you beat the aliens about to take over earth too? Come on man, I want to believe you’re crazy stories but sometimes you make it really hard.

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