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10 things I learned from living with a girlfriend

OK, you got me. I haven’t had a monogamous relationship since I was 18. However, recently I was reminded of what it is like. Last week, I had an Omani fly over to spend a week with me (I was her first infidel and obviously made an impression). It was fun, but I basically had to babysit the girl. She slept in my bed, ate with me, and was with me 90% of the time. It felt like we were married or something. I went beta for a week. It was an eye-opener. Here are 10 things I noticed…

1. You watch a lot more movies.

I rarely watch movies or TV—unless it’s something like the latest Bond or Tarantino film—but damn, does having a girl increase your time in front of a screen. I’ve noticed this phenomenon in other relationships amongst my friends and siblings. It makes sense. If you’re spending EVERY night with the same person—especially a girl with limited conversation skills—you end up filling the void with popcorn.

2. You develop unhealthy eating habits.

Most people who enter into relationships gain weight. It has happened so many people known to both you and I— especially when they move in together. Since my brother moved in with his Eastern European girlfriend, he’s ballooned like a walrus. Because you eat together, you end up eating more of the same things. That requires compromise. Compromise = Chinese food and pizza. Unless you have a health conscience girlfriend, you’ll may soon be a double chin away for heart surgery.

3. You become less productive.

Having your ballsack empty morning, noon, and night, kills your boner for everything else in life. You become lazy. Your T-levels drop. You procrastinate. Your dick is like, “Hey, you’re getting laid three times a day. Job done, my friend. Relax.” Men need to achieve status and wealth to attract top-tier mates. Having ass on tap hampers the desire to hunt.

4. You exercise less.

For the same reasons you are less productive, you exercise less. Why build the body of Adonis to attract a mate when you already have one? That’s a waste of time. Wouldn’t you rather watch the latest series of Entourage? The truth is many girls are so insecure, they actively discourage their men from improving the bodies—for fear of increased competition. They don’t want you to better yourself, just to lock you down. Combine this with #2 and you’re on a downward spiral. Soon, the only time you’ll break a sweat is when you’re waddling past the gym trying to make it in time for breakfast at McDonalds.

5. You feel imprisoned.

You can’t do what you want all the time. Want to get high and write music? Go the pub with the lads? Go to Moldova for a week? WAIT. Everything needs to be floated by your chica, who will undoubtedly give you shit—at least if she’s a self-entitled Westerner anyway. Unless you have a nice placid Asian girl or something similar, you are doomed to compromising all your life.

6. You spend more money.

While going out with the lads and casual dating can cost you beer money, that’s nothing compared to having a full-time hag. ‘Real’ dates—like eating out, movies, and the like—cost more. If you’re girl is a traditionalist, you’ll also be paying for shit at least 70% of the time, too. Then of course there’s birthdays, Christmas, Ramadan, Valentines day… the list goes on.

On a side note: Did you know it would cost me at least $20,000 in dowry money to marry a girl from Arabian Gulf? DAM! That’s IF you get permission from the king, that is. No girl is worth that much, unless she shit jewelry that I could use to seduce other women.

7. You miss guy time and guy talk.

Girls take up your time. Realistically, guys would rather spend MORE time with their male friends than their girlfriends. But relationships see the reverse happen. And then, when you’re with your boys, you can’t even have guy talk. Your friend is like…

“Hey, you know that black chick from Saturday who took my number? Yep, fucked her last night—in every orifice—I even tied her up on my homemade torture rack and made call me ‘Master’. Slapped her round a bit too—she loved that shit. Sooo hot. What did you do last night?”

“Watched a movie.”

8. You’re constantly looking over your shoulder.

Other girl messages you on Facebook—hide. Plenty of fish notice—hide. Run a game blog that explicitly details all your filthy sexual encounters with strangers—hide, hide, hide! For fuck sake. That’s no way to live. I couldn’t even log on to the forum or to  Returnofkings until my girl was passed out asleep.

9. You’re sexually frustrated.

Even though you’re getting regular sex, you’re STILL frustrated passing up strange. And if you live with your girlfriend, it’s REALLY hard to bring back other women and have sex with them. Girlfriends don’t like that for some reason. Men are not meant to be monogamous! You want to bone everything, but you can’t. An opportunity presents itself—too bad. It’s gruel for you again today. Enjoy.

10. Sex can get less exciting.

My room.

This is a given if you’re humping the same thing, day in, day out. However, you can mix it up. I got my Omani girl to bring over her abaya, scarf and niqab (that’s the ninja-style Muslim outfit). We spend the whole day walking around the mall in it, inviting all sorts of stares from locals. I felt like a powerful overlord or something. And then, when we got home I ravaged her ninja ass while she kept it on. I even got a blow job under the veil. It was fatwahlicious!  But I don’t want to get that creative every day. Finding a new piece of tail is far easier and more exciting.

16 Responses to 10 things I learned from living with a girlfriend

  1. Ali S March 29, 2013 at 4:15 pm #

    I was waiting for this. Seems to me like she’s thinking long-term (Middle Eastern girls don’t fuck around if they’re not in for the long haul, but this one already has a boyfriend so she’s probably quite liberal) but how was the experience? was the sex good (3 times a day, seriously)? how would you rate the girl in the looks and performance department? you should put up a pic of her .. lotsa guys here are itching to see some hot piece of omani ass

  2. Ozzy March 29, 2013 at 6:30 pm #

    As much as I do love seeing her in that outift can you please let us worship that Omani ass with some nice pics??? Haha that McDonalds joke, I know you got from that commercial lol. But seriously I can see the thickness in that pic of her.

  3. Michael March 29, 2013 at 11:51 pm #

    Man, this is the most depressing article I have read on this page. The thing is, whenever I try to be “in relationship” I have very similar feelings.

  4. Johnny Caustic March 30, 2013 at 12:03 am #

    Nice post. The mall outing is great, and “fatwahlicious” made me laugh pretty hard.

    Points 5 and 7 (and to a lesser degree 1, 2, and 4) are why men have to establish a pattern of independence from day 1 with any new girl. Set a fixed upper limit on how much time you’ll spend with her each week, make a list of hobbies and guy activities you want to do every week, and don’t deviate even when you’re tempted. Gotta set a standard from the start and enforce it harshly, up to the point of breaking up if necessary, or you’ll look down one day to see a cavernous space between your legs where you faintly remember once seeing balls.

    The real take-home is don’t cohabitate unless you can afford two apartments. Cohabitation takes away your most powerful tool for maintaining relationship hand, namely the ability to remove all attention and communication from her for 3-7 days (aka the Blackdragon “soft next”) when she throws drama or tries to control you in any way. All forms of attention are a reward to a woman, even just scowling, and when you’re living with her, it’s literally impossible to withdraw attention when she misbehaves.

  5. Ruxman March 30, 2013 at 2:49 am #

    Yep you indeed watch a lot more pointless movies, watching one that is remotely interesting becomes a treat, quite sad. I felt all of this in my last relationship but couldn’t piece it together until getting into game.

  6. JJ Roberts March 30, 2013 at 7:27 am #

    All of these really are frame control problems.

    Making it clear that you are 3.0 and unfenced (and being good at explaining what that means) deals with all of this.

  7. Tomtud March 30, 2013 at 7:59 pm #

    Fantastic! Keep up more posts from this encounter……I live in the gulf and its ridiculously hard to even get into contact with these locals as you can be thrown out of the country (so ppl say) if you talk to these women……

    Pics !!!!! Please……

  8. Daved March 31, 2013 at 12:20 am #

    I know that feeling. I don’t do girlfriends but a while back I had a Brazilian chick I’d met out there come to visit me at home and stay with me for a week and a half. I thought it was going to be great, all the excitement and spark that we had when we met would be there, great laughs, tons of sex…it was torture. I found out I cannot be with someone all day every day, I want peace and quiet and to be left alone to do my own shit. I don’t want to babysit anyone. We had sex, we had some laughs but we mostly got on each others nerves, she was a miserable bitch the whole time, we fell out, argued, she acted like an ungrateful cunt the whole time.

    Never again. Next time a chick suggests it I’ll tell her no or if she comes she can go stay in a hotel and I’ll meet her only when it suits me.

  9. Kris April 2, 2013 at 10:48 pm #

    This hits home with me. This article wasn’t just close to my experience with my last relationship I had, but it was exactly point for point what happened to me. I spent the entire summer with a girl who somehow locked me in a relationship with her, I pretty much lived at her place, and got isolated from all her friends, I put on weight, watched every damn movie out there, and even though we had a lot of sex, it got boring. I had no private life of my own, everything I did she knew about, there was no keeping secrets. I ended up breaking up with her, because I was getting nowhere with my life, and was getting bored of her and towards the end we were fighting a lot. Never doing a relationship like that again. If you date a girl, be sure to limit the amount of time you spend with her, and honestly fuck getting married.

  10. Mr T April 4, 2013 at 2:10 am #

    These ten points cracked me up because they are so true! Men are conditioned to behave a certain way in life which undermines their true self.

    I recently had this beautiful and intelligent girlfriend whom within a six to nine month relationship displayed all these not so fine qualities. I remember one night when she cracked it over us; I stood by and put up with all this bullshit and stayed rather than leave the next day. I can tell myself now that I would never put up with this behaviour ever again nor will I be tied down again. Life is far too short to worry about a females crap and waste your time putting up with it.

  11. muzzy April 6, 2013 at 4:47 am #

    http://news.ca.msn.com/top-stories/north-korea-tourism-booming-despite-war-threats

    the ultimate flag….NORTH KOREA CAN U CATCH IT or the vatican..into nuns?

  12. muzzy April 6, 2013 at 4:12 am #

    20 gs is nothin….iran its like $50 000 to get marreid..now i see why persian dudes use that cash an party witth swedish girls.

    shes reeling you in.shell get common law status and move right in with you and become irish citizen.
    hell maybe shell use the refugee card since she broke the law and fucked an infidel….u could be in hot water mate..
    but she sounds like your ideal woman…why not wife her up? u r one of the handful of men with an arab woman.
    careful you may get pressured into marrage cuz an honour killing could come your way along with danny if the word gets out.
    aernt u worried this blog may get found out by the omani government?

    add her to your harem….get her citizenship and kick her to the curb indirectly

  13. Not Your Ordinary Girlfriend April 11, 2013 at 11:22 pm #

    This is everything that happened to me when I lived for the first and last time with a boyfriend. I’ve never bought a TV in my life and would never think to, and the first thing he does when we get a place together is buy a big flat screen idiot box! Had he moved into my own place I would have FORBIDDEN IT, but as we both moved into a new place and were splitting the rent, I had no right to make that call.

    Plus, he pretended to be vegan the entire time we were dating and then when we were living together he showed his true colors and ate meat! That’s the one thing I put my foot down on – no meat in the house. So he was sneaking out to get it!

    And he promised me he would not drink or smoke pot inside the house and he did both – almost all day daily!

    He also promised me that he was going to do outdoor things with me like hiking, biking, swimming, etc and the only thing he did was sit inside on his ass all day.

    Obviously this didn’t even last 6 months. I was so miserable I had to leave.

    “Even though you’re getting regular sex, you’re STILL frustrated passing up strange. And if you live with your girlfriend, it’s REALLY hard to bring back other women and have sex with them. Girlfriends don’t like that for some reason. ”

    You just have to find a polyamorous woman who’s into “open relationships”. Its a growing relationship trend.

    2 way open marriages will probably be mainstream by 2030.

  14. Another crazy idiot September 27, 2016 at 11:11 pm #

    Surely not the life for everyone. I worked out hard physical jobs and gained weight in the meantime. Thought is from the steroids and antibiotics in the meat (just after 6 years of restraining from it), while lovely dear stayed at home, cooking for hard workin’ hubbie tasty meals to soothe and comfort him after a hard working day as a werkstudent… I’m waay so happy now with a glass full of a high quality spirit drink, listening to Max Romeo, rolling a fine quality tobacco after a hard day in the Dutch IT company I run as a GM. No boast, just proud I can think like that. I believe there are quite happy couples, love from first sight and such. So, she (my first long-term love) claimed she fell in love with me as of first sight. We had some crazy years together, now she’s happily married and a top specialist in the hometown of NN. She is in expectancy of her first child who I will love and nurture as one of my own. I respect her man, the guy is not as wild as I am in certain terms, but in other ways far beyond me… That’s why there was an imminent click between us and not some odd rivalry. Maan, all those words along with the sharp reggae of Max, I’m into heaven. Please, consider visiting Sofia, it may be a strange but cool experience. Regards!

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