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Fat Black Woman Has A Problem

Dear Mark,

I am 26 year old, African-American female and I am a virgin. As a girl, boys never liked me because I was chubby… but my junior year [in college], I joined a weight loss program and lost 50 pounds. After I lost the weight, something unexpected happened. I began getting attention from men that I’d never experienced before. [Unexpected, really?]…I thought that things were looking up for me, finally, but it turns out all these men wanted was sex. [Shock!]

I wanted a man to sweep me off of my feet, not throw me into the sheets.

Needless to say, I became depressed that even after losing all this weight, men only seem to want me for sex or they just stare and nothing else…I am waiting until marriage, so sex is not an option and it seems like no men want to wait. I went from being completely ignored to being given attention, but only in a sexual sense. I hate to say it, but I think it is because I am African-American and I am seen as only good for sex (if that) and never seen as worthy of a committed relationship, let alone marriage.

I have since gained 40 pounds back (and gone back to my old invisible self) because I feel like no matter what I do, I am not valued.

The men in the PUA/ manosphere are some of the worst…although Mark you’re on the nicer side compared to others.

Why are men so cruel and superficial?

[This letter has been edited down considerably.]

I’m reminded of the story of the Scorpion and the Frog. The short answer: It is our nature—and nature is cruel. Don’t think men are alone in this regard. Women can be just as shallow and callous, we’re just more upfront about it.

Looks matter a lot to men. When we first meet a woman, sexual attraction is far more important than emotional connection. We want to pass our genes, not talk about our feelings.

You need to change your way of thinking.

Fat Black Woman gets skinny

This is a good thing.

Think of yourself like a store. Your body is the storefront that gets people in the door. You could be selling some really cool stuff, but nobody is going to enter a place that looks run-down and neglected. The first thing  you need to do is loose the weight again. It seems like your slim-downed, bootlicous body got a lot of attention and made for an eye-catching storefront. Maybe nobody has come in and bought anything just yet, but it’s better to have potential customers browsing the window rather than passing it by unnoticed.

The next thing you need to do is stop worrying about the color of your storefront. You can’t change it—it’s a listed building—nor can you change what most shoppers associate with that color. When they first look at your storefront, it reminds them of a generic brand—let’s call it “Chunky Chocolate”. This product is usually delicious and cheap, but experts say it can be bad for your health and doesn’t last long due to bad ingredients.

Kim K's storefront.

Kim K’s storefront.

Now, I know you’re not selling Chunky Chocolate. You’re selling premium, fair-trade, organic cocoa. You tell us your product tastes just as good, has better ingredients, lasts longer, and is even good for you. And that’s cool.

Personally, I love Chunky Chocolate. It’s just as good as Caramel Creme—and even better than Mini Milky Munchies. And if you’re cocoa is as good as you say, I’d be more than willing to try it. But…


the only problem is it’s way too expensive and requires a considerable investment. Furthermore, it’s unsweetened. Like most men, I’ve a sweet tooth. Sure, you offer the sugar as an add-on after I buy, but before you even let me try the finished product, you’re making customers sign a contract saying they can’t shop in any other stores ever again!

Do you see what I’m saying?

Your scaring most of your shoppers off with your strict terms and conditions. That’s your problem. It’s not your race and a more attractive body.

Your product is a niche market. There might be demand out there, but you’re going to make a serious effort to find your customer base.

In your case, I suggest church.

Alternatively, don’t be so hung up on sex before marriage. You’re missing out of one of life’s greatest pleasures.

6 Responses to Fat Black Woman Has A Problem

  1. Ali S April 4, 2015 at 3:50 pm #

    With that kind of a pitch, you could be an A-grade hustler in NYC

  2. cereal killer April 5, 2015 at 5:22 pm #

    Hm, NN seems to be a psychologist now. Not bad, read the article with the smile on my face.
    In fact not all the mans are as you describe Mark. There are a lot of romantic mans who search for a tender relationships. Don’t know if “the fat” lady read this or is upset because you put in a public place her private life.
    Hope she read and must also know her impressions are not so correct. For example for me if the girl is black that’s a huge advantage definitely I prefer more than a white one.
    And sometimes after I chat with one I am and I will be disposed to travel 15.000 km to met one. The problem with black women in general is there are incredible materialistic, not honest, bad education, at least what I met, and I was disappointed fast, and move on. But I am still optimistic and also you (black girl) must be, if you insist soon or later you will find what you looking for :P, a family type man or whatever (you know better).
    For example, in the next trip to Africa, I don’t have any problem to take as a partner one afro girl if she have the same wishes about her life like mine. And like me a lot other mans are, the racist situation is more serious in Africa than in Europe for example.
    Yea mans are attracted first about the body. A large majority of womens have complains because are not attractive but they don’t do anything to be. And if a man are sports type have right to pretend from the girl the same. But isn’t never fair to pretend what you don’t offer, a lot of hideous mans dream about some princess and a lot of big whales womens wait the prince charming…

  3. Joe Caruso April 5, 2015 at 7:02 pm #

    I hope the woman who wrote the letter reads this. I read your letter and here are my suggestions-
    A-Fijd a good Chritian man at Church
    B-Ask yourself the right questions- what kind of looks/culture/personality do you truly desire in a man. Think hard about it and what kind of places he would be in. Maybe you like low key professional white men- go to large bookstores, coffee houses, art exhibitions, upscale lounges, civic clubs, and anywhere else your type of man is likely to be. I’d say if you’re black and from NY you don’t like country or redneck Southern guys so your dream man won’t be at Bass Pro Shop, a gun store, tool or construction store, country bars, or cheap beer bars where those kind of men hang out.
    C-Maybe you need a new city. Indont like the Southerner Irish descent girls where I live- I dig introverted, artsy, creative white girls who are educated and down to Earth- I like Germans and Slavics the best also. I think Seattle would suit me well as that type of woman is common there.

  4. splooge April 9, 2015 at 4:44 pm #

    another reasin they aint willing to wait is probably they dont belive shes a virgin deep down so they leave thinkin tgey are being conned for used goods. hymen restoration and liberarl western hook up culture kinda makes guys skeptical. since premartial sex is the norm and girls always lie about their count…so theres mistrust.

    she should consider goin into more conservative communities an circles or specific online datin.
    but this is how the game is we pursue she chooses.
    shes 26 so she has to hurry. shes just gotta work on her charm to get them to love her once shes got their attention.

  5. Dude May 3, 2015 at 6:49 am #

    Well..all women want is social status. And the highest social status giver is money. If that is true then it is also true that all men want is sex.
    I don’t think it is that easy to explain, but no doubt, in the western world we have been moving into a world that is more about self fulfillment than creating a family. This trend will go on to the extreme wether you like it or not.

    I feel so sorry for women not living their life to the fullest because of religious delusions.
    Have sex for Christ sake 😉 You have no idea what you are missing out on. A life without sex once you tried it can be quite boring 🙂

    So go out there and have fun, have sex whenever you want. Live now. But of course don’t hurt peoples feelings like you like it. And remember there is no after life, this is it!

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