Everybody has their origins. Few men start out as Casanovas; even veterans with rock solid game still make mistakes. I am the voice of experience. I tried everything out there. I practices game religiously, got versed on the latest techniques, went out, tried it, failed and began the cycle again. I never had a mentor, the most I had was a computer screen. For me, it was a long sluggish journey to get where I am now. Today I want to help you avoid the same mistakes I made…

Mistake 1: Peacocking with dirty feathers

I used to go out dressed like a twat, and hoped somehow it would get me laid. At one stage, I used to have dreadlocks and handlebar moustaste, then go out with zebra skinned platform shoes with fish in the heel, a ruffled shirt, and a massive purple pimp hat with a matching zebra band and a large feather it in. Did I get attention from women? Yes – TONS, but it wasn’t always the right type of attention. Did I get laid? Hardly ever.

Peacocking works, but you need to look cool – not retarded.

Mistake 2: Over-negging

I use to neg all the time: dishing out subtle insults/backhanded compliments for the purposes of lowering a girl’s self esteem, hoping she will seek validation from me. It worked sometimes, but the majority of time I came across as a complete dick. While teasing has it’s place, it’s not always a winner. Sometime I just hurt people’s feelings. I over-negged. I tried an experiment and stopped negging altogether. The result – my success with women skyrocketed.

Mistake 3: Boasting

In pick up, they call this a DHV (demonstration of higher value). It’s a great way to subtly let a girl know you’re a high value guy, but taken too far it looks needy and pathetic. My biggest flaw was boasting (it probably still is). I can’t help it. When I tell someone them about my life, it just comes across like I’m a pretentious, conceited prick. The problem is I’m too awesome. Even when I’m being modest, I’m still too awesome. Guys consider me competition, girls think I probably jack off to my reflection. I’ve had to learn to shut the fuck up about myself.

Mistake 4:  Over Analysis

This is a problem for a lot of guys. I not longer pine over irrational reactions, flakage or interpreting texts. I no longer focus my attention on any particular woman. I’ve stopped thinking about what I’ve done wrong. When you get into the game you’re mind is in over-drive: how is my body posture, what angle should I point my feet, what should I say after this, time contrast, neg, kino, DHV. Ahh! Maybe I need to read more. A quote I heard once: “There’s no such thing as an armchair Lothario.” Women can tell if you’re treating the interaction like a chess game. Unfortunately it takes time to internalize things, then you can stop thinking and learn to relax. In golf, you can theorize about your swing all you want, but unless you hit the driving range you won’t get any better.

Mistake 5: Failing Logistics

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. How are you going to bang a girl on the first date if you have nowhere to do the deed? It’s common sense. In the early days, I never thought things through. There were so many lost opportunities. You have to have a  plan for end game. You have to plan, where you going to take her, what your your going to do, and how you’re going to steer her into your den.

Maybe you live at home… Use a fucking shed – A heater, a soft surface and a few candles is all you need (used to do this plenty). Hell use the local church if you have too. Once there’s privacy, a horny chick will bang just about anywhere.

Maybe you’re travelling and staying in a dorm room…  How the fuck do you expect a chick to get frisky in front of a load of backpackers? Real players use private rooms on date nights.

So there’s my mistakes, hope this helps. Please share yours…

More Wisdom

Related posts from other bloggers:

The Mistake Buffer by Roosh V

Top 1o Online Dating Mistakes by Gmac

Top 10 Strip Club Mistakes by the G Manifesto

Why I’m not a PUA by Frost

 

Over the week I had the pleasure of going to see Richard Bandler at the seminar in Dublin. Some of you may know Richard from the book The Game, but let me refresh your memory. Richard is co-inventor of NLP (neuro lingistic programming) and a world reknown author and intellectual. For those of you into pick up, the most notable student of Brandler NLP was Ross Jeffries. Others students have included Neil Strauss & David DeAngelo.

A friend of mine, an NLP master pracitioner and MD of Headcase, offered me a spare ticket (thanks Cormac!). He also introduced me to one of Bandlers co-authors: Owen Fitzpatrick, as well as female dating coach Singalista.  We all got on, so we gathered to indulge in the ancient Irish tradition of a few pints.

Owen was the presenter and mastermind behind RTÉ’s TV show ‘Not Enough Hours’, and also a fellow swagabond having visiting 68 countries (including North Korea). He was keen to hear of my exploits. When I regaled him of some of tales he got so engaged he handed me a free copy of his book and signed it for me. I was chuffed. Owen you’re probably reading this so I’d like to say thanks again!

I also had a very interesting chat with Singalista, who recently went on 40 dates in 40 days for lent – purely research of course. She gave me the low down on Irish PUA bootcamps and told us a great story about a date with German PUA that even trumps my worst date ever. It ended up with him running down the road after her shouting “You’re the one! You’re the one!”. Funny stuff.

But I digress. What’s the common denomatior here? NLP.

Now I’m going to help you guys out with a basic application. This is a little technique my friend Cormac taught me. This is great for when you need to get in flow before you start approaching woman.

The Technique…

1. Imagine you’re about to approach a beautiful women – a 9/10. Are you nervous? If not, good for you, you don’t need to be here. If yes, you have approach anxiety like the rest of us. I want you to figure out where that anxiety is coming from. Maybe it’s your chest, your stomach, your left nut – whatever. For the purposes of this exercise, I want you to manifest that anxiety as a spinning ball of energy inside you. What colour is it? What way is it spinning? Visualize it.

2. Now take that ball of energy out of your body and hold it in your hand. Stop it spinning. Change the colour to a calm, cool blue.

3. Now bounce it, and imagine taking a few basketball shots. You swish through the basket everytime and the ball bounces right back to you. Feel good don’t it? Keep doing it.

4. When your ready, get the ball spinning in the opposite direction to what it did originally.  Stick the energy back inside you. Spin it faster and faster. Let that cool blue energy transcend your whole being. You’re solid, you’re mellow.

5. Approach.

Maybe you have your own techniques to help with approach anxiety? Please share…

Love comes in many forms. It can last a lifetime, or just a couple of seconds. It can be with one woman for 50 years, or with several women replaced at regular intervals. Today I’m dealing with the latter.

For those of you who aren’t versed in the triangular theory of love, I would like to direct you to the following diagram.

Now, let’s apply this to game. If you want to read more about each of seven types of love you can read this. For the purposes of briefness this argument ignores chemical basis for love, and looks more at behaviorism.

Brass tax…

What do men like us primarily want – Sex (Passion). Therefore we’re dealing with infatuatous, fatuous, romantic and consummate love.

But what if you meet a nice chick you want to keep in your harem?

You need to know what most women want – Everything (Consummate love).

Most modern women will not settle for polygamy, promiscuity, or non-commitment in the long term.

So here’s the question: How do you make a beautiful woman fall in love with you, fuck you senseless, remain loyal to you and be content with a non-exclusive relationship.

Wouldn’t that be sweet? Ideal?

Here’s the game plan…

Think like Pavlov. Act like Zorro. 

One may be a psychologist, the other a masked hero, but together they create the ultimate Lothario.

On Pavlov

Get her to associate love with sex. You also need to fast-track love.  You have to be Pavlov.

Passion

Fuck her first. Don’t try and get close to her, don’t try win her over or promise to give her the moon. Fuck her first, and fuck her really good. This is crucial.

Intimacy

Use this as her reward for sex. After she spreads her legs, open your heart. You need to train her like a bitch, just like Pavlov’s theory: through cause and effect create positive association. Sex = closeness. Good dog.

Commitment

This is the tricky bit. Similar to intimacy, your commitment should only be hinted at after sex (several sexual encounters in fact). Some women just wanna fuck, but remember they are still genetically programmed to choose males who will provide for their offspring (ie- stick around). The trick is hit at long term commitment using the ‘us’ frame*. Talk about doing thing together in the future and use words like we. It will push the right buttons.

On Zorro

Love may blossom, but only in darkness.

If you want a woman to feel consummate love, but want to avoid monogamy, the secret is mystery. You have to be Zorro.

You have to be a man of mystery. Don’t tell what you do for a living. Don’t tell her where you’re going. Don’t talk about other women. Everything is a secret. Tell you have to go away for a month to Lebanon for ‘business’. Don’t see her for long periods of time. Simple economics = lower supply, increase demand. Tell her you lead a double life, one that she can never know about. Everything about you is a mystery.

Extreme? Yes. But it’s works. Women love that shit. As far as she’s concerned you’re either a mob boss or work for the C.I.A. She’ll fantasize about you – become addicted, obsessed even.  Fantasy is a powerful tool. The reality is much more sinister.  Technically you do have a double life: banging the other women who fall for the fantasy.

Alternatively, you can be completely honest about everything. Be Mr. Free Love. But Zorro lasts longer.

The Result

The elusive harem.

As any international playboy will tell you – it’s easy to maintain a global harem. You don’t have to a globetrotting mystery man, but that not to say you can’t offer that illusion.

Love to her your questions or comments guys….

Do you have your own harem?

How we met..

While Summer Lovin’ in Dublin…

Sauntering into my local deli, a bronzed bright eyed wee lassie caught my eye behind the counter.

“A spicy chicken wrap with jalapenos and the hottest sauce you got!” I exclaimed, ordering my usual fiery fare.

“Yes mister!” she said, with a pep in her step and a glint in her eye.

“What’s your heritage?” I asked.

“I’m Tamil, from south India,” she said, “What about You?”

It was clear the attraction was mutual, so I gave her my number. A few days later we’re on a date. To say it went bad was an understatement. I’ve dated some weirdos in the past, but this chick takes the freakin’ bakery.

Here’s some of her best off quotes…

“I’m very nervous, this is the first date I’ve agreed to in many, many years.”

“I don’t drink. I’m a good Christian woman.”

“Why do you like me?”

“My mother was married to her cousin when she was 13. Then I was born.”  WTF?

“I’m a virgin. I know, I know, I’m 27. But I’m saving myself for my husband.”

“Before I moved here I was fat. But then I lost all the weight because I stopped eating rice. Now boys just want me for my body, but not my soul. I can’t wait to get fat again.”

“You know Russian? Say something…”

“You know Chinese? Say something…”

“Do you know this language… ef fala com die efa bala kata sum rut tut tut sassy maya…”

“Of course you don’t. Nobody knows it. When I was a child, God bestowed on me the gift of tongues. This language the Lord gave to me. Only he knows it’s meaning. I don’t even understand it myself. But what can I do? I’ve been blessed with his divine presence and the word of the Lord. So I am thankful.”

“You’re looking at my like I’m crazy. You should not judge what you don’t understand.”

“What!? You’re dating other women. How can disrespect someone like that… (she actually starts sobbing). You Irishmen are so conceited.”

“Kiss you on the first date? What do you think of me? We don’t even know each other…”

“I can’t believe I kissed you. I feel like so cheap.”

“Sex is not God’s wish.”

“This is like that movie the Bridges of Madison County? What I’m feeling… it’s so wrong. This is not my destiny, but maybe we are soul mates…”

“Show me what love is.”

“I can’t wait to tell my future grandchildren about this.”

I’m not making this up. Yikes. Needless to say, I didn’t contact her again. I’ll think twice about asking out a South Asian chick again…

Here’s an edited version of our date in video…
CLICK HERE!

The worst bit? Now I can’t get my bloody spicy chicken wrap anymore. I’ll have to settle for a filthy doner kebab in the place next door. Now my love handles will give me trouble and I’ll have spend extra time doing cardio. Fuck sake.

Moral of the story? Don’t shit where you eat. And whatever you do, avoid inbred religious virgins…

 

All right guys, over the next few weeks I will be giving my big breakdown on West Africa. Expect city guides from every country on the coast, stories, rankings and plenty of solid, sound advice.

West Africa is not for pussies, this is hardcore. Every country is completely different, but in general – bribery, corruption, violence, poverty and lack of infrastructure make this one of the hardest regions in the world to travel. That said, it’s FUCKING FUN! You will never be bored…

In truth, the most dangerous thing about Africa is not war, corrupt officials or street crime – it’s the women!

Welcome to the third world.

If you are considering travelling to sub-sahara Africa there are a few things you should know when it comes to sex…

1. African women have the best bodies in the world.
   Period. That’s coming from a guy who’s been to over 70 countries. They have the slimmest waists, the highest hip to waist ratios, the best bust’n'booty proportions, extremely low upper arm circumference and superb jaw lines and cheek bones. You will easily encounter and mate with the sexiest women of your life on the continent. Furthermore, they know how to exploit their assets to the max!  African women are extremely confident – it’s sexy!
2. Most sexual relationships in sub-Sahara African are transactional.Or at least it seems that way. Unfortunately, this is the rule rather than the exception. Getting sex for free is often a foreign concept for many African men. This sad truth is, at night it’s common to see men compete to pay for sex. This is normal. Remember, poverty is rife, and often this is the only way women can make money. In many cases, the woman in a transactional sexual relationship may remain faithful to her boyfriend, while he may have multiple sexual partners. In other cases, the woman may have multiple partners. It’s a little hard for the visitor to get their head around. The funny thing is, the fact that one doesn’t pay for sex is greeted with equal befuddlement by many women in Africa. This culture is well represented in the number 1 hit playing throughout the continent at the moment… Nwa baby (meaning prostitute). Catchy as hell!
3. On average, 90% of the women you meet at night are prostitutes.
   Building on No.2, most of the girls you meet at night are pros and semi-pros (similar to parts of Asia and Latin America). But don’t worry, this is not always the case. This percentage fluctuates depending on city and venue. You can meet plenty of “good” girls in Africa, but the harsh reality is the “good” girls are either old, too ugly to make money as prostitutes, super religious or rich (very rare). If you don’t pay for sex (like myself), often the only realistic option at night time is to shore. If you haven’t already, read my article shoring 101 before you continue.
4. Be wary of one night stands.
   Sub-Sahara Africa is easily one the most promiscuous places on the planet; one night stands are  very common. But you have been warned – just because a girl agrees to go home with you for free, it doesn’t always pan out the way you like it. Trust your gut. The majority of time you will have a wonderful experience. But pick the wrong chick… after sex she may demand money anyway; ask a large amount for ‘transport’ afterwards; rob you while you’re asleep; tell you a sob story of her sick baby, her mam with no legs etc… It’s not often, but it happens. Don’t want it to happen to you? Follow these simple rules…

   
   Go to their place : not yours. This solves all problems. On my last trip this became a rule for us. At least then if there’s any trouble afterwards you can just leave (or in some cases escape in anti – style). Also she doesn’t know where you live! You are free to move on to the next girl without any repercussions, such as jealous psychos showing up at your door – a recipe for disaster. Alternatively, consider a rent-by-the-hour hotel… not very classy but sound logistacally.

   Travel light: Give everything you own to your mate. Cards, cash (apart from taxi fare), phone, jewelry - everything! They can’t rob you if you don’t have anything. I’m reminded of a funny story in Ghana where two girls brought me back to their place… but that’s for another day.

   Girl Proof : If you must bring a girl home, girl proof your room. Stash all your shit. Even better, if you’re with a friend get him to actually remove everything from the room and let him care for your belongings for the night.

   The whole thing seems overly cautious, but better to be safe than sorry. As mentioned previously, most sexual interactions will be smooth and pleasurable, but 1 in 10 end badly. Play it smart.

   5. HIV and AIDS

   Ok, so West African AIDs rates aren’t that high, but you will likely be sleeping with the virus’s core demographic. Further south, the rate climbs dramatically so make sure you educate yourself. I’ve slipped up a few times, but try and not to follow in my foot steps.

I hope this article is helpful… Feel free to share your experiences here for other travelers. It may sound like rough territory, but I LOVE Africa and would recommend it over any other continent. You can still find plenty of smart, beautiful, caring and incredible women here, perhaps even the mother of your child. If you’re looking for real adventure, incredible scenery, wild sex, and stories that will last a life time… this is the ultimate destination.

Forget what you’ve heard, experience the reality. This is Africa my friends. Welcome to the last frontier. Go.

 

Looking for a good time?

Don’t want to put in a lot of effort?

Why not try some Refugees!

Isolated, homeless and feeling venerable - picking up refugees is as easy as shooting Tutsis in the 90′s! Not only are they easy, just think of the other benefits…

• They’re husbands may be have been imprisoned, or better yet – dead!
• They’re just plain desperate. They don’t even have a place to call home. lol!
• They’re nice and slim from hunger, and easily enticed to perform deplorable acts in exchange for food.

Refugee camps are ideal places to meet women. The girls there may have basic provisions like rice, but where is the sugar? Shouldn’t you, the magnanimous swagabond, donate some penis?

C’mon, don’t be an asshole. All the other guys go for the girls with materialistic possessions, like walls and access to clean water. You know what type of girls I’m talking about – the ones who walk around hydrated, with their fancy $1 sandals and sacks of US aid rice – fucking show offs. Who needs a girl like that? Refugees live life for the moment. Refugees never say no. And even if they do.. who cares? Often rape is often the only way they get any action anyway.

Ok, so the joy you give these crushed souls will be only temporary… but so is her UNICEF tent! She’s used to it! Plus, once you leave, she’ll no doubt feel used, abandoned and worthless. Harsh lessons, but these feelings will prepare her for the ensuing life of poverty and deprivation she will have to embrace in the years to come. So go on, be a hero… get your refugee game on.

…..

Location: Lome, Togo.

But satire aside, Gary the fish and I did manage to get picked up by some Ivorian refugees. They were actually quite well off. My girl treated me to bottle service in a high end Togolese nightclub, whereas Gary managed to steal his girl from the French ambassador! Good times.

The truth is, often it’s actually easier to pick up girls outside their country of origin. This is epically true when the country in question is sexually repressive.  In my next post Refugee game (part 2), I will be investigating these populations for your benefit… stay tuned.

 

 

Some would say Flagging is a shallow practice, but it’s hard to help when you’re on the road.

Some guys want 50 flags, some want to go around the world in 80 girls, but I’m a little hesitate to set flagging goals. My goal is to VISIT EVERY COUNTRY in the world (preferably before 35), whatever flags I pick along the way are a big bonus. I may not have an end number in mind, but I will admit – I’m definitely a slave to the flag.

I counted up recently and it’s turns out the capturing of my Ghana flag puts my flag count at 40. I thought I’d mark the occasion with a post dedicated to my flags…

in alphabetical order..

Angola

Australia

Brazil

Cambodia

Cameroon

Canada

Cote d’Ivoire

Denmark

Dominican Republic

East Timor

Estonia

Ethiopia

France

The Gambia

Germany

Ghana

Guinea

Haiti

Indonesia

Ireland

Isreal

Japan

Liberia

Macedonia

Malaysia

Mali

Malta

Moldova

Nigeria

Norway

The Philippines

Portugal

Sierra Leone

Spain

Thailand

Uganda

Ukraine

United Kingdom

United States

Zambia

Mongolia

Panama

Cyprus

Iran

 

Location: Benin (Voodoo heartland).

The chicken gave a final jolt as his neck was cranked back and his throat slit with the razor blade. His blood poured into the mouth of the Vodun divinity,  a dark spirit imprisoned in stone. The feathers were plucked and cast upon on the sacred ground below, while the men of the forest whispered words unknown. To complete the ritual, the worshipers doused the shrine in a fiery brew - delicious West African hot sauce!

We were very lucky to bear witness to such a ceremony. To the very few travelers who do find themselves on the shores of Lake Aheme, the Voodoo practices of the locals remain shrouded in mystery.

They say one should make a sacrifice to the divinity if one has received good fortune, to give thanks. Those who don’t, are cursed.

This makes an appropriate preface to what happened me last night. I rolled the dice once to often, I took too much. Perhaps my Karmic balance was a little off kelter; I got some bad juju. Either way, I took too many chances, and eventually my cheeky antics landed me in some seriously deep shit. Literally…

Last night in the capital, Cotonou…

4AM – KNOCK KNOCK!

I awake from my slumber. The hottie beside me wraps her naked bronze body in a towel and gets up to answer the door. It’s her room mate – and she’s not happy. Outside the two start talking. It’s hard to make out the pidgin French, but I hear money mentioned. I start putting on my clothes, sensing something fishy.

My girls comes into the bathroom. “Give me some money.”. She demands.

Context- I exchanged numbers with this girl outside a club one night. This girl had been texting me love messages for three days. She knew I didn’t P4P. We went out, shared a bottle of wine and ended up at her place. I only had taxi fare in my pocket.

It was a set up.

I brought the girl outside the front door to discuss the issue. She told me her room mate wanted money for the room. She fed me so much BS my head was spinning. When I told her NO … I was informed her room mate and the guys in the building were going to “make problem” for me now. I thought fast.

Me: “OK, I don’t want problem”.

I completely change the subject, start patting down my trousers and look alarmed.

Me: “Hey, where’s my bandanna?”

Her: “It must be in the room..” (it was actually in my back pocket.)

Me: “Do you mind getting it for me?”

She turns and enters the room.

I tip top backward, turn around and F*#KING LEG IT!!!

My ill-fated escape is best described in poetry form…

Bad Juju
I turn at the chance, and I run, run run…
I dash and I dart through the labyrinth slum.
The Voodoo dolls screeched and the moto men grunted,
The chase had begun and I was the hunted.
In the darkness I flea, I scramble in vain,
I round random corners, I take random lanes.
I climb a dirt mound, then soon disappear..
as I fall from the edge, and plunge to Lake Merde.

(aka – a third world sewege pit)

SPLASH!

Deep in the sludge, grizzle and grit,
every last inch of me covered in shit.
I wade in the waste and flounder in feces,
seething with insects and sickening species.
I slunk on the shore, but time I had none,
So I take to the streets and I run, run, run…

 

The Siege of Abidjan was the finest so far in West Africa…

The streets of Cote d’Ivoire’s capital are shellshocked. And so began the night of the resurrection; the first time the bars and clubs had opened their doors in three months. The troops assemble and march to the bass drum. The air is hormonal. Everybody had been hibernating and now it was mating season.

In the high end venues, the ratio of girls in the nightclub is around 80% and standards are through the roof. Competition is fierce. All of a sudden, the bar is raided by Mexican Pirates! ARGHH!!! (pics coming).

They plunder their African booty with little effort.

As for me… I exchange a few numbers, keeping my options open for who’s cooking the next night. On a side trip to the bathroom, I briefly makeout with a serious little hottie wearing a french maid corset. After that, a bootylicious babe approaches me and tells me to wait outside. She wants to be pillaged immediately. I exit with the girl at my tale, only to find the hottie from the bathroom standing outside. Turns out – both girls are sisters!

Forced to make a choice, the bathroom beauty was too hot to put down (but easy to pickup at just 35 kilos!). I had my way with her while her sister tried to sleep in the same bed – a bizarre scenario, even for me! I saw her watching occasionally. She looked quite envious of her dainty little sister, who was clearly enjoying being railed. The sis I had chosen strangely caught off on the whole thing. She didn’t hold back on the volume and wouldn’t let me stop until the sun came up. At one stage in the night, her big sister even asked if she could have me when she was finished!!! Unfortunately, my girl was in no mood for sharing… but I’m not complaining too much, she was a little stunner!

Showing up just after a civil war is prime time for a cheeky Seige. Good times.

 

How do I tell this story?

I have managed (yet again) to leave fire in my wake, this time in Freetown, Sierra Leone.

This is a tale of death threats, arrests, virgins, exile and chicken. Revenge is a dish best served cold…

Ingredients

• 1 freshly prepared chicken with rice
• 1 fish dish with West African plantain
• A spicy blue-eyed chick (1/2 Saudi, 1/2 Liberian mixture)
• A delicious bite-sized Blasian virgin, matured 16 years (1/2 Chinese, 1/2 Sierra Leonian mixture)
• An angry mother hen (virgin’s mother)
• 100% premium Irish Beef (aka myself)

Appetizers

Step 1

Allow the Saudi to prepare chicken dinner. After enjoying food, insert penis. After all, she deserves it after slaving in the kitchen.

Step 2

The following night, allow Blasian virgin to prepare fish dinner before bringing it to your place (aka the slaughterhouse). Be warned, mother hen is lurking in the shadows, wary of her young offspring playing by  the slaughterhouse.

Step 3

Time the meal with the Blasian precisely at the moment the Saudi from the night before walks right by your door.

Step 4

Place Blasian inside to avoid Saudi attack. Mix remaining ingredients. Unleash hell.

Results

The Saudi spice overpowers the Irish beef and everything gets ruined. The heat rises and shit turns nasty. Irish beef becomes mince meat. To compensate, add angry mother hen to counteract the Saudi spice. A violence reaction occurs, the street turns into a warzone with twenty people trying to kill each other. The police become involved and assault charges are filed against the mother hen for her vicious attack on the Saudi. Irish beef escapes with a few bruises, consoles the Saudi and once again inserts penis.

Main Course

Step 1

Allow thing to cool down for one day. After which, attempt fish again with ultra-cute Blasian virgin.

Step 2

Spend amazing night with Blasian. Glaze with honey, sweeten with sugar and leave over night. By morning, the sweet 16yo should be de-virgined after being stuffed with Irish beef. Make sure to use oil and cook with love. Add reggae music to make ‘the belly full’.

Step 3

The Blasian beef combo already make a delicious dish. The aftertaste is to die for. To enrich flavour, appease mother hen. This is done by ringing up the Saudi and threatening to file your own assault charges unless the charges against the mother are withdrawn.

Results

The Saudi explodes. The mother hen is arrested anyway and a death threat is issued. The Irish beef is fast approaching it’s expiry date. With corrupt police being allies of the Saudi this is likely to be very soon. Saudi hires beach boys to do the washing up. Go to the Irish consulate and follow his recommendations.

Dessert

There is no dessert for you, just leave to country as soon as fucking possible. Let’s see what Liberia has on the menu…

What have we learned?

Avoid stuffing your face with chicks who live close your slaughterhouse. Hazards include death, mad cow disease and diarrhea.