Worst First Date Ever (with video)
How we met..
While Summer Lovin’ in Dublin…
Sauntering into my local deli, a bronzed bright eyed wee lassie caught my eye behind the counter.
“A spicy chicken wrap with jalapenos and the hottest sauce you got!” I exclaimed, ordering my usual fiery fare.
“Yes mister!” she said, with a pep in her step and a glint in her eye.
“What’s your heritage?” I asked.
“I’m Tamil, from south India,” she said, “What about You?”
It was clear the attraction was mutual, so I gave her my number. A few days later we’re on a date. To say it went bad was an understatement. I’ve dated some weirdos in the past, but this chick takes the freakin’ bakery.
Here’s some of her best off quotes…
“I’m very nervous, this is the first date I’ve agreed to in many, many years.”
“I don’t drink. I’m a good Christian woman.”
“Why do you like me?”
“My mother was married to her cousin when she was 13. Then I was born.” WTF?
“I’m a virgin. I know, I know, I’m 27. But I’m saving myself for my husband.”
Get me outta here!
“Before I moved here I was fat. But then I lost all the weight because I stopped eating rice. Now boys just want me for my body, but not my soul. I can’t wait to get fat again.”
“You know Russian? Say something…”
“You know Chinese? Say something…”
“Do you know this language… ef fala com die efa bala kata sum rut tut tut sassy maya…”
“Of course you don’t. Nobody knows it. When I was a child, God bestowed on me the gift of tongues. This language the Lord gave to me. Only he knows it’s meaning. I don’t even understand it myself. But what can I do? I’ve been blessed with his divine presence and the word of the Lord. So I am thankful.”
“You’re looking at my like I’m crazy. You should not judge what you don’t understand.”
“What!? You’re dating other women. How can disrespect someone like that… (she actually starts sobbing). You Irishmen are so conceited.”
“Kiss you on the first date? What do you think of me? We don’t even know each other…”
“I can’t believe I kissed you. I feel like so cheap.”
“Sex is not God’s wish.”
“This is like that movie the Bridges of Madison County? What I’m feeling… it’s so wrong. This is not my destiny, but maybe we are soul mates…”
“Show me what love is.”
“I can’t wait to tell my future grandchildren about this.”
I’m not making this up. Yikes. Needless to say, I didn’t contact her again. I’ll think twice about asking out a South Asian chick again…
Here’s an edited version of our date in video…
CLICK HERE!
The worst bit? Now I can’t get my bloody spicy chicken wrap anymore. I’ll have to settle for a filthy doner kebab in the place next door. Now my love handles will give me trouble and I’ll have spend extra time doing cardio. Fuck sake.
Moral of the story? Don’t shit where you eat. And whatever you do, avoid inbred religious virgins…
Tags: bad dates, crazy Indian girl, dating Indian women, mistakes to avoid on a date, worst first date
Hey, I’m Tamil too. Cultures vary, and Tamils are very very conservative…most are virgins till marriage…and even if they are in a relationship, SEX is saved till after marriage. I know it is really weird for you to digest…but that is how it is here in Tamil Nadu. Just imagine Ireland in the 1700s.
Now that the Tamils are there, it would take atleast a generation of Irish socialisation to get them kicking and about.
Do watch this video for a fresh perspective
Al Jazeera… nice. I’m a big fan.
im a little confused nomad between the last quotes in the written article and the video. you kissed her and then hightailed it out of there right?
are you still thinking your dream girl is a virgin ;0)
I just edited the end of the video for comedic purposes. I kissed goodnight and left on good terms.
Had a similar experience with a fundamentalist Jesuit chick…
Went on a (second) date on a Sunday afternoon with a Jamaican girl last year.
Didn’t know that I’d be meeting her between services at her Evangelical church. Or that she’d be bringing along 4 silent friends from the congregation. Or that she wouldn’t talk to me. And especially that she’d accuse me of humiliating her by hitting on the fattest and least attractive of said friends!
Strangely enough, the first date had been bumping, grinding and snogging in an R&B club…
Oh my god the video was so hilarious when she was speaking in tongues! Hahaha..
I love it when I meet these girls because I accept it as my mission to completely re-program their entire belief system and I know exactly how to do it.
As you already know something about my upcoming book and the philiosophy, you already have some idea.
The last time this happened when I was in, of all places, Pattaya, Thailand.
Met up with a 23 year old Chinese virgin (yes I am sure she was a virgin, I know what a hymen chord feels like).
When she started saying similar stuff to what your date said I smiled inwardly and accepted the challenge.
So there I was in an entire city full of hookers hitting on probably the only female 23 year old virgin in town lol.
She texted me the next day after we met saying that she loved my philosphy and wanted to meet again. Ended up in bed with her that night.
Even had to show her the correct way to hold a guys dick in her hand as she had never even done that before lol
@Lumiere: I admire your effort. I can take a lot of work when religion is involved. You’ll have to give a few pointers on de-programming. Hope the book is going well bro.
Key with religion is not to try to convert them away from religion just to de-couple their sexual beliefs from their religious beliefs
U cant win them all.. I hope u had a good wank afterwards.
Ha,Ha! So,the stud can’t win em all! Go back to the jungle punanny!
Just keep in mind that Lumiere’s cracker ass is a complete fraud and only out to sell shit. He claims to be a pick up artist but he’s really a scam artist.
Hopefully he updates the folks as to where his book signings will take place so I can be there to smack his bitch ass.
Any shit dick can save up a few dollars and buy a round the world ticket and start telling people how cool he is.
(He knows what a hymen feels like because his bled like a motherfucker when it broke)
Aloha!
@Kona: I’ve actually met up with Lumiere in Skopje. I can tell you he’s the real deal and a cool guy. His game is shit hot.
[...] on Irish PUA bootcamps and told us a great story about a date with German PUA that even trumps my worst date ever. It ended up with him running down the road after her shouting “You’re the one! [...]
Why do you think there are no pick up artists in India…..apart from the fact that you can actually get jailed and maybe killed for running game
Her responses are typical for a conservative Indian woman. Our parents didn’t teach us how to properly date, because it wasn’t a part of their generation. I was explaining to my mom the other day on how it’s a huge turn-off to mention marriage and ask “Why do you like me? Why don’t you like me?” when getting to know someone.
Indian men can be judgmental and harsh when it comes to non-virgin women. If you’re not a virgin as an Indian woman, your value in the marriage market is very poor.
I also wanted to add that not all South Asian women are like that. If you ever go to Mumbai or a big city in India, you will find some “very liberal” women that are more than happy to strip down for you.
Mumbai here I come
Naughty-
I don’t agree with some of your views, but I will give you a heads up.
Indian women stereotype white men as very open-minded beings that treat women like equals. The same Indian girl that acts like a prude with an Indian man will think that a white man won’t judge her for having sex.
So you just may be in luck. Use your race to an advantage.
haha- thanks for the advice.