How do I tell this story?
I have managed (yet again) to leave fire in my wake, this time in Freetown, Sierra Leone.
This is a tale of death threats, arrests, virgins, exile and chicken. Revenge is a dish best served cold…
- 1 freshly prepared chicken with rice
- 1 fish dish with West African plantain
- A spicy blue-eyed chick (1/2 Saudi, 1/2 Liberian mixture)
- A delicious bite-sized Blasian virgin, matured 16 years (1/2 Chinese, 1/2 Sierra Leonian mixture)
- An angry mother hen (virgin’s mother)
- 100% premium Irish Beef (aka myself)
Allow the Saudi to prepare chicken dinner. After enjoying food, insert penis. After all, she deserves it after slaving in the kitchen.
The following night, allow Blasian virgin to prepare fish dinner before bringing it to your place (aka the slaughterhouse). Be warned, mother hen is lurking in the shadows, wary of her young offspring playing by the slaughterhouse.
Time the meal with the Blasian precisely at the moment the Saudi from the night before walks right by your door.
Place Blasian inside to avoid Saudi attack. Mix remaining ingredients. Unleash hell.
The Saudi spice overpowers the Irish beef and everything gets ruined. The heat rises and shit turns nasty. Irish beef becomes mince meat. To compensate, add angry mother hen to counteract the Saudi spice. A violence reaction occurs, the street turns into a warzone with twenty people trying to kill each other. The police become involved and assault charges are filed against the mother hen for her vicious attack on the Saudi. Irish beef escapes with a few bruises, consoles the Saudi and once again inserts penis.
Allow thing to cool down for one day. After which, attempt fish again with ultra-cute Blasian virgin.
Spend amazing night with Blasian. Glaze with honey, sweeten with sugar and leave over night. By morning, the sweet 16yo should be de-virgined after being stuffed with Irish beef. Make sure to use oil and cook with love. Add reggae music to make ‘the belly full’.
The Blasian beef combo already make a delicious dish. The aftertaste is to die for. To enrich flavour, appease mother hen. This is done by ringing up the Saudi and threatening to file your own assault charges unless the charges against the mother are withdrawn.
The Saudi explodes. The mother hen is arrested anyway and a death threat is issued. The Irish beef is fast approaching it’s expiry date. With corrupt police being allies of the Saudi this is likely to be very soon. Saudi hires beach boys to do the washing up. Go to the Irish consulate and follow his recommendations.
There is no dessert for you, just leave to country as soon as fucking possible. Let’s see what Liberia has on the menu…
What have we learned?
Avoid stuffing your face with chicks who live close your slaughterhouse. Hazards include death, mad cow disease and diarrhea.