By the way, I've HIV.

So after a night on the prowl in central Africa, I find myself in bed smoking a joint with my latest conquest.  I felt like a king with this sweet ebony ass curled up next to me. I was the stoner version of James Bond, traipsing round the globe sleeping with the local women. But in that quite moment when all seemed right with the world, she turned to me and said:

“I’m worried”

“Why?” I asked.

“We didn’t use a condom”

“Yeah, but you told me everywhere was closed!” I wondered where this was going. I felt a fake pregnancy scam coming on here. DAM it! I really shouldn’t have came inside her.

“You are leaving tomorrow?” She asked.

“Yep, why?”

“Mark… you need to know something…”

I was pretty sure she wasn’t a man, but I didn’t like the tone of her voice.

“What… It’s OK, you can tell me.”

“…I’m sick.”

“Sick… what do you mean sick?”

“I think you know…”

My heart attempted to escape my chest as a feeling of impending doom pervaded my body. I became very conscience of the fact that this part of the world had some of the highest AIDS rates.

“You mean… you have HIV?”

She didn’t say anything, she just nodded…

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Seriously, what a fucking bitch.

“By the way, I’ve HIV and you just fucked me.”

At least she’s dead now.

The next three months I was planning how I would live the rest of my life. I knew the chances where slim, but going in the get my STD results was one of the scariest moments of my life…

“You’re test results came back, I’ve got some bad news and some good news.”

“I don’t like the sound of that..”

“Good news is your HIV results came up negative but bad news is you’ve got a STD.”

I was never so happy to hear the words “you’ve got a STD”.

It’s all sorted now, so my irresponsible and reckless lifestyle continues! YEAH!

Moral of the story: Always carry a condom in your wallet.

It turns out HIV transmission rates are grossly exaggerated. Educate yourself and click here.

World AIDS rates

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52 Responses to By the way, I've HIV.

  1. SirBangalot May 9, 2010 at 4:30 pm #

    Dude, that’s fukkin awful.
    Never happened to me, but I know I may get an STD eventually.
    Some players get themselves checked every three months privately and I’m going in next week now that I’ve read that.

  2. SirBangalot May 9, 2010 at 4:33 pm #

    From the map, looks like I’ll be moving to Greenland. Saw te wikipedia write-up. Sexual transmission seems to be a very small %, most is thru childbirth or blood transfusion.

  3. Shaman May 9, 2010 at 6:09 pm #

    Yeah, people have been made to be way, way, WAY more paranoid than they need to be. Go look up (you’ll have to do some work to get this info, it’s surprisingly difficult to find) the chances of getting HIV from an HIV-positive female via unprotected vaginal sex (presuming you’re male): it’s like 1 in 10,000 or something, it’s EXTREMELY difficult to get HIV via normal vaginal sex.

    Also, people are fucking clueless when it comes to Africa and HIV–there are some countries where the HIV rate is about what it is in the U.S. (0.6%) and there are some where it’s insane at around 30%-40%, you just need to do your research. My personal favorite (I actually like it better than wikipedia for this specific purpose because the information for each country is organized in EXACTLY the same manner for each one, unlike wikipedia) is the CIA World Factbook, check it yo: https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/index.html (the “People” category is, by far, the most useful and also the one that lists the HIV/AIDS rate for each country).

  4. Shaman May 9, 2010 at 6:13 pm #

    Oh, btw, which STD did you turn out to have?

    Also, totally unrelated, but I noticed that you’re Irish (I think–I seem to recall reading that somewhere) and I totally have a thing for cute redheaded chicks and figured Ireland would be a good bet for this (although it turns out Scotland has the highest number of redheads as a percentage of the population) but I remember you saying something about how you’re not interested in Irish chicks at all. Anyway…what’s your opinion on this–is Ireland a good bet or should I try somewhere else first (I seem to recall that red hair is originally a Viking gene, so maybe one of the Scandinavian countries or Iceland would be better)??

    Cheers,
    Shaman

    • naughtynomad May 11, 2010 at 6:49 pm #

      Hey Shaman, sorry to leave you hangin’.
      Ireland is fun but there’s a difference between red-heads and gingers. We got a lot of fat ginger if you’re interested! haha.
      If you come here you will have fun!
      I just don’t dig the locals because I’m into exotic food.
      Thanks for your comments.
      I won’t leave so long before my next reply.

      • Shaman May 12, 2010 at 6:59 pm #

        My apologies, thank you for responding.

  5. Roosh May 9, 2010 at 10:29 pm #

    How were the 3 months until you got tested like? Were you constantly worried? I’m a little hypochondriac so I’d probably be paralyzed until testing.

    • naughtynomad May 10, 2010 at 1:15 am #

      They fucking sucked. I just tried not to think about it.

  6. chris May 9, 2010 at 10:44 pm #

    Not to burst your bubble, but you definitely need to get checked again a few months from now. Id do testing at 3 and 6 months, because it can take a while to show up. And try not to do anything to potentially spread it, in case you have it. You dont want to be a walking grim reaper.

    And wtf are you fucking african girls without condoms for? Thats retarded. Theres no toher word for it. You seem like a decent guy whos enjoying his life. Dont take that type of unnecessary risk. And definately dont fuck them in the ass, because you WILL get their HIV that way if they have it, guaranteed.

    Thai girls also have an extremely high instance of HIV.

    • T July 10, 2010 at 2:33 am #

      Yeah, I think 95%-99.9% of all cases show up in 3 months. Not sure the exact figures.

      A friend of mine who was a taking a viralogy class the other night says it takes up to 6 months for it to show up. So now your odds have dropped from about 1:3000 to 1:300,000. Correct me if I am wrong.

      Scary shit. There are various ways to avoid the condomless sex:

      *lubricant can make it more fun, thus having a condom is not such a buzz kill, that you dont reach for it
      *Don’t drink or dont drink excessively… having whiskey dick increases the chance of not having the condom on. Because I surely go limp with a condom. Also a friend of mine “blacked out” or just got lazy is more like it in Phuket and did not use a condom.
      *If you decide to drink heavily take a little viagra.

  7. speakeasy May 10, 2010 at 12:33 am #

    Looking at the map, I never realized the HIV rate is so high in Russia. I just googled for info and found that HIV in Russia and E. Europe is indeed exploding.

    As for your story, having unprotected sex in central Africa is unbelievably dumb, what’s wrong with you man???

    Btw, I’ve heard that the HIV rate in many African countries is overblown, something about corrupt governments cooking the numbers as a way of getting more foreign aid.

    • naughtynomad May 10, 2010 at 12:46 am #

      What can I say? It was a use or loose it situation. I was young. drunk and apathetic.

  8. Shaman May 11, 2010 at 3:38 pm #

    Oh I love getting ignored, it’s so much fun…

    • naughtynomad May 11, 2010 at 6:54 pm #

      I know it’s great craic! Sorry man, I replied above.

  9. mrkillian May 12, 2010 at 8:33 pm #

    I’ll read this post again buddy ;)

    And I have a great story to post, I just need to sit down and write it

    we need a night out soon, things are going VERY well for me lately!

  10. Dave June 14, 2010 at 4:41 pm #

    I had a lady-boy in Thailand shoot a load up my bum a few years back and the rubber broke, had me scared for 6 months, so I know what you’re going through.

    You got a pic of this bird? Not sure why it’s a little hot but it is. Good to hear you made it out OK.

    • naughtynomad June 14, 2010 at 7:24 pm #

      Haha! Thanks for sharing Dave. No pic I’m afraid.
      I’m curious why you let a ladyboy do you in the ass. Are you gay? Or were you just curious?

  11. world traveler September 17, 2010 at 6:06 am #

    What sort of precautions do you take besides carrying a condom in order to avoid STD’s? Are there any other occasions where you have been scared or grossed out at the thought of all the former sexual partners a girl had before you? And what if the condom breaks? Isn’t it a bit of a suicide mission?
    Sex is good, wild sex even better, but how good is it if you’re risking your own health? Do not take it personal, just that it sounds a bit irresponsible to have sex without a condom with a complete stranger.

    • naughtynomad September 18, 2010 at 3:15 pm #

      True. Irresponsible, but and the same time.. meh

  12. The Rookie October 6, 2010 at 2:54 pm #

    AIDS is like a Black Swan. The odds of getting it make it statistically irrelevant, yet if it happens (and it does) the result is catastrophic. Makes for a tough choice…

  13. MTG October 12, 2010 at 10:54 am #

    Dave freaks me out.

  14. unfair October 21, 2010 at 6:29 am #

    Sounds like you dodged a bullet. As the world degenerates the consequences of immorality are manifested physically, and hiv is just one of those. Eventually the tide will overcome everything including scientific efforts to stem it. Hiv is a disease of immorality (maybe all diseases are).

    • naughtynomad October 21, 2010 at 9:46 am #

      yeah… In that case I deserve cancer with a side of leprosy.

  15. Fred Tracy | Personal Development April 20, 2011 at 9:11 pm #

    Holy shit, that’s so scary. Jesus Christ, man, be careful.

  16. Mav May 4, 2011 at 2:03 am #

    Man I really should have learned from your lesson. Last week in Kuching I shagged a girl without protection only to find out that it has a high HIV rate. I’ve been bricking it for the last two weeks. Nothing left to do but to wait. Feel like such a fool now. :(….

  17. HIV Expert November 7, 2011 at 6:03 pm #

    I really hope you did get tested again at 6 and 9 months. You are trying to tell people in this article that it is nearly impossible to get HIV from vaginal sex. While yes it is statistically more difficult for a male to get HIV from a HIV+ female through vaginal sex, if the female’s viral load is sky high, the normal “statistics” don’t apply, and your chances are almost the same as a male having anal intercourse with another male in that case. We can detect a viral load of up to 2 million in the USA, and >100,000 is considered high. Having worked in Africa with HIV+ patients, I can tell you that it is NOT uncommon at all to see HIV viral loads >200-300,000. Medication is scarce and difficult to obtain in most areas other than South Africa, and that is why so many HIV+ individuals there die young from their HIV because they cannot get adequate treatment and the virus takes over and cannot be controlled. This is not news at all.

    Tons of other factors apply than just your average wikipedia search (which is a horrible site for information anyway). Educate yourself before telling people something like “oh the odds of getting HIV are astronomically overexaggerated.” Because they are not. It’s a serious disease and in Africa it’s an epidemic.

    Condoms are absolutely necessary for any sexual encounter. You can get HIV from any sexual act. If you are on the receiving end of any sexual act your chances are higher.

  18. Gmac November 8, 2011 at 12:43 am #

    Holy shit that’s scary man. Definitely a lesson for guys who travel. Glad it worked out.

  19. steeltraveler December 18, 2011 at 6:24 pm #

    Hello,
    on one level it could be called shameful the type of dialogue within this site but on the other I actually commend you for your openness since it seems it definitely hits a nerve with many other single travelers. I like that there is a multitude of participants that seem to want to help each other with their stories. No I am no saint, I have gotten into some damn good sexin’ while in Bangkok and average in Manila/and believe it or not…El Nido but looking forward to Vietnam and Tokyo…..thanks again and just be safe..

  20. Ali King January 20, 2012 at 2:12 pm #

    @naughtynomad – Dude…..i fucking feel for you man, i just face a similar experience in a small Island called Malindi off the Kenyan Coastline. Fucking hot rihanna look alike, done the deed without the C. The she dropped the bomb.
    Kidnapped her to the fucking clinic and got both of us tested. For sure if she was + then wether mine was – wouldnt matter. Luckily we were both -. Planning to retest in June.

  21. JIM March 26, 2012 at 12:17 am #

    Nomad I read with interest your story, I am some what older than you and I travelled the world, and did some crazy shit, I lived in thailand vietnam Nigeria Gabon Congo Angola.. I had steady relationships in most of these places, got tested and got tested with my last long term partner, both negative not bad for a seaman in Nigeria. However I have now been living with HIV for 8 years, exactly where and when I do not know but I was careful, and did not take risks luckily there is the NHS and I got good drugs.

    I have seen people die of AIDS in Africa I also know people who have managed it withe their medication for over 20 years, think about what you are doing, but don’t judge, was she a bitch, are you glad she is dead…. you were young and drunk? may be so was she??? I watched a friend die in Africa because she could not accept she had HIV, I was already diagnosed ( I had never had a relationship with her or slept with her) I wanted to tell he rte that I was positive to try and show her that it cant be beaten but I did not know if i could trust her to keep a secret and she knew my boss …. life and the world are far more complex than you may think…..

    • Naughty Nomad March 26, 2012 at 10:52 pm #

      Hey Jim, thanks for your comment.
      The “at least she’s dead now” line is black humour. The girl is probably alive and well. We use dark humour a lot in my country. Sorry if it offended you and thanks your telling us your story.

  22. eldjay May 27, 2012 at 10:50 pm #

    scary shit… myself…i am tired of running around being scared all the time i am home from thailand.
    When i drink my brain leaves me, and i get selfdestruktiv. Maby the last 3 years i banged 50 ladies in thailand without rubber…and to tell the truth many many of the people i know down there do the same, in the start i was paranoide, always used rubber, but now i am not scared anymore when i get drunk….i know its just a matter of one day, my luck will be gone………
    But there are good news, on Hiv resisdens, maby in a few years, our worries will be over.
    http://www.bangkokpost.com/lite/topstories/292910/anti-hiv-pill-draws-near

  23. AOW June 23, 2012 at 9:34 pm #

    HIV is a behavioural disease.

  24. AOW June 23, 2012 at 9:36 pm #

    By the way, I feel you did this very interesting story short shrift. You could have written a little more, upped the tension! haha Glad you’re okay either way, man.

  25. Strangecargo July 29, 2012 at 4:52 am #

    Dude, your “at least she’s dead now” comment made me laugh out loud really hard. Fucking love black humor bro.

  26. Chris July 31, 2012 at 10:35 am #

    HIV has never been proven :) Just forget ist and fuck on. When you take the drugs against “Hiv” or Aids – than for sure you will die.

    Condoms on the other hand are just packed with cancer causing substances. But there are some without N-Nitrosamine.

    Nice one bro. Going to check out Budva in a few days.
    Pete

  27. jose September 7, 2012 at 3:18 am #

    i dont get it all posts are from mark
    so does this mean he has aids

  28. the C September 12, 2012 at 6:08 pm #

    you guys need to read this. the statistics of getting HIV

    http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/895/what-are-the-odds-of-getting-aids-from-ordinary-heterosexual-sex

  29. cockmaster October 30, 2012 at 5:40 am #

    sorry stayin away from aids like the plague
    beware of 3rd world hoes

  30. Andrei January 17, 2013 at 3:28 pm #

    An advice given from a professional soldier in Africa about dealing with ladies from countries with high aids ratio: use two condoms and between them put some chili. In this way you’ll know when one of the condoms break, you or the lady will scream.

  31. Ross January 22, 2013 at 9:22 am #

    More likely to get a girl PREGNANT than you are to catch an STD if you don’t use a condom.

    HIV does not lead to AIDS. Just look up “House of Numbers” on youtube and http://www.aliveandwell.org.

    AIDS is a BILLION dollar charity and less than 10 percent actually goes to any research. That’s why they like to keep the scare alive. To keep making money for doing nothing.

  32. Guest May 1, 2013 at 10:40 am #

    Weren’t you worried about getting her pregnant?

    • Naughty Nomad May 2, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

      No. Maybe she did…

  33. Derp May 28, 2013 at 4:16 am #

    I guess you can listen to the song needle up my cock by GG Allin and relate. Always wear a condom screwing a girl, especially herpes and syphilis filled random street hookers in 3rd world countries.

  34. Saturn August 4, 2013 at 9:41 pm #

    In an African country where 16 % has HIV, going out in a bar with prostitutes, fucking a girl that gave herself to easily whitout a condom, … What where you thinking? Appearantly you weren’t thinking at all.

    I am happy for you that you were lucky, but maybe next time you aren’t.

  35. cmhrcca2 January 18, 2014 at 8:59 am #

    test

  36. cmhrcca2 January 18, 2014 at 9:06 am #

    most of the hiv transmission due to using same needle between heroin addicts than between gays than from man to woman because we are coming inside than from women to their babies last and less percentage is from women to man if you are curcimstised…i am the proof of it 17 nights in pattaya 2010 without condom…19 nights in entebbe uganda last year….at last i think i am gonna write my book named “Fuck The Mother`s Asshole Who Created The Condom” now i am 35 and on my way without condom if i reach 70 you will have chance to read my masterpiece… :) life is short…enjoy enjoy enjoy….regards to all of you…

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